


Legendtrapped Beta

by Kinrah



Category: Homestuck, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Embedded Images, Multi, No Homestuck knowledge required, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:42:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 35,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24678646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinrah/pseuds/Kinrah
Summary: 76 legendary and mythical Pokemon play a game.This was later unanimously agreed to have been a bad idea, since just as they weren't prepared for what the game would ask of them, the game itself was hideously unprepared for 76 creatures with fantastic powers already who collectively got on about as well as a Pikachu on fire.Rewrite of 'Legendtrapped Alpha', still mostly a chatfic, but with new and improved command-based narrative segments. Slight use of images. Some characters may not appear for some time.
Relationships: Latios/Meloetta (Pokemon), Lunala & Solgaleo (Pokemon), Thunder | Zapdos/Zeraora, Zacian/Zamazenta (Pokemon)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 47





	1. A1P1: You Are All Cordially Invited

CC: invitations sent.  
CC: are you really sure this was a good idea?  
TO: …No.  
TO: Not in the slightest.  
theOne [TO] stopped pestering catsClone [CC] at 10:04PM.

Act 1: The Worst Idea Of All Time  
Part 1: You Are All Cordially Invited  
======================================>

> [Begin Sequence II: JOHTO]===~~>  
  
A young Pokémon stands in his—

Okay, look, that’s not going to work. For one thing, this Pokémon is not young, by far. He’s also not standing in what would be called his ‘bedroom’ because as a Pokémon his living arrangements are somewhat different to how we might imagine it. It’s more of a general-purpose cave.

Perhaps we’d better start again.

> Start again.  
A legendary Pokémon stands in his cave. Human calendars don’t mean much to him, so he has no particular attachment to this day, the EIGHTH OF AUGUST, 2020, especially as it’s the MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. He does not know it yet, but this upcoming week will son go down in INFAMY amongst his fellow legendaries and himself. More immediately pressing he will find himself PLAYING A GAME (reluctantly). He doesn’t know this yet either. But he will.

What is this Pokémon’s name?

> Enter name.  
You enter something that is either derogatory, cutesy, or incomprehensible. How predictable. Just another reason to ditch this mockery of an interactive audience-driven story.

> One more time.  
Your name is ENTEI. You are the SECOND BEAST OF JOHTO, which for the most part only means that YOU END UP DOING ALL THE WORK. Your older brother RAIKOU spends most of his time loafing around in your father’s basement and your younger sister SUICUNE takes so long to complete her tasks that you’ve already moved on by the time she’s finished. This ANNOYS YOU. Your work as a group is IMPORTANT. Your father, HO-OH, says so, and you will not question his judgment. As a matter of fact, you’ve only just returned from your latest task, curbing a fire in a nearby forest. The fact that it’s about 1AM doesn’t bother you; like a lot of the legendaries, you can get by several days without sleep if you need to.

Because of having to pick up your siblings’ slack, you tend NOT TO LEAVE MUCH TIME YOUR YOURSELF. The little time you do get though you try to KEEP TO YOURSELF, since the work of the other legendary Pokémon DOESN’T INTEREST YOU IN THE SLIGHTEST. You stick to your guns. You focus on your work and nothing else. This has led to others describing you as a BIT OF A BORE, but what do they know? They aren’t you. They don’t know what shit you have to deal with over here. They can MIND THEIR OWN BUSINESS.

Your CAVE is better equipped than a human might believe of a legendary Pokémon of your stature. You use TECHNOLOGY. You have a TELEVISION, which doesn’t work. You have a STEREO, which is stuck tuned to some Kalosian station that you can’t understand. You have a COMPUTER, which has so far only remained intact because MEWTWO did something psychic to it. It is this latter object that you now EYE WITH CONTEMPT. There is a flashing icon on the desktop, which means that you have a new message. Multiple new messages, in fact. This rarely bodes well.

You are only able to use this technology because of, again, MEWTWO, and ARCEUS. Between the two of them they have outfitted the entire legendary and mythical Pokémon spectrum with input devices you don’t need hands for. Most of them just work by converting speech-to-text, which works more accurately than you first thought. You mostly use it to communicate with other Pokemon using a chat system called POKÉPAL, which REGIGIGAS allegedly created. Your own user handle is blazingGlory. There’s no story behind it, that’s just what it is.

As well as one-to-one messaging, POKÉPAL also connects to a number of group MEMO BOARDS. There are several primary boards, one for each region, the LEGENDARIUM which covers everybody, and a general-use board which is mostly just filled up with same-type discussions and shitposting. Naturally, you barely use that one at all.

From a glance, you can see that you have waiting messages from MEWTWO (likely to be something boring), HEATRAN (ugh) and several from your BROTHER (more excuses). Yeah, you’re not looking forward to this.

What will you do?

> Entei: Answer Heatran.  
HEATRAN is your ‘training buddy’. You spar occasionally, to keep each others’ fires going. The guy has it in his head that he’s better than you though.

moltenOpportunity [MO] began pestering blazingGlory [BG] at 00:58AM.  
MO: i would like to point out that asss of ten minutesss ago, our wager hasss ended in my favor.  
MO: overwhelmingly in my favor in fact.  
MO: i believe this meansss you owe me a full-length battle thisss time.  
BG: I agreed to no such thing  
MO: need i remind you that both of your sssiblingsss were presssent when the wager wasss made?  
MO: what are you afraid of, exxxactly?  
BG: I am not ‘afraid’ of anything  
BG: Least of all you  
MO: ssso what isss the problem?  
BG: There is no problem  
MO: that’sss not what i’m ssseeing.  
BG: You’re not seeing anything  
MO:  
MO:  
MO: …i ssset myssself up for that one, didn’t i.  
BG: Yes you did  
MO: damn it.  
MO: anyway.  
MO: i would prefer not to call in either of your sssiblingsss to act asss mediatorsss in thisss matter.  
MO: we will be battling at your earliessst convenienccce.  
BG: I have work to do  
MO: ah yesss.  
MO: mewtwo’sss game, i take it.  
MO: i mussst admit i have my own preparationsss to make in that regard asss well.  
BG: What  
BG: What are you talking about  
MO: you haven’t read hisss messssssage?  
BG: No  
MO: i sssuggessst you do ssso.  
BG: I have no time for games  
MO: jussst read the fucking messssssage entei.

This is exactly why you hate talking to the guy.

Anyway, you’d better see exactly what is up with Mewtwo’s message, if it’s so ‘urgent’.

> Entei: Read Mewtwo’s message.

catsClone [CC] began pestering blazingGlory [BG] and [68 others] at 10:00PM.  
CC: you are all cordially invited to participate in a game.  
CC: the game is being run by arceus, and is based on your computer terminal.  
CC: we understand that many of you have important jobs to do, and may not be able to find the time.  
CC: as such, arceus has initiated the autopilot program, which should last long enough for the game to be played.

There’s more, but he starts blathering on about things you don’t understand and you can’t be bothered to read it. He does that a lot.

The key thing though is that Arceus has started the Autopilot Program, which means that, for the time being, you are genuinely out of work. All processes that rely on legendary Pokémon to function are being taken care of by themselves. Needless to say this also annoys you, because it means you haven’t got an excuse not to work. No doubt Raikou is ecstatic about this.

Time is being made for you to play games.

MO: we will be playing in teamsss sssplit by region.  
MO: the competitive assspect hasss yet to be explained though.  
BG: Ugh  
BG: That explains why my brother is harassing me  
MO: you had better anssswer him.  
MO: he won’t ssstop until you do.

Ugh, the guy has a point. Again.

Pretty much all of Raikou’s messages say the same thing, that you should join the Johto region memo board as soon as possible. You dislike using the memos. It gets too busy for you to follow any threads of conversation. But it seems you have no choice this time.

> Entei: Join memo.

blazingGlory [BG] joined memo JOHTO JENERAL on board BURNED TOWER DISCO BASEMENT.  
> You are entering Johto space. Tickets please, show your passport. There are currently [4] members and [2] guests present.  
> Break the rules, Ho-oh’ll blow up and Lugia’ll kick you.  
> Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
> Present moderators: AFK-beastieBirb [BB], poryBot [PB]  
> Present members: boltfromTheblue [BT], crystallineSlush [CS], AFK-current outtaTime [cOT]  
> Present guests: winCondition [WC], disavowedNegotiation [DN]  
> Your current username setting is: [LONG]. Type /names short or /names real to change this.  
> MOTD: we got a game to win -BT

boltfromTheblue: youre late bro  
boltfromTheblue: i messaged you what three hours ago  
blazingGlory: Yes, well  
blazingGlory: Some of us actually have things we need to be doing  
blazingGlory: As opposed to sitting around doing nothing all day  
boltfromTheblue: shut up  
boltfromTheblue: anyway autopilots on now so suck it  
boltfromTheblue: anyway anyway  
boltfromTheblue: were here to talk about that thing mewtwo sent us  
boltfromTheblue: and how were gonna win it  
blazingGlory: I gathered  
blazingGlory: Is that why Victini and Tethera are here  
winCondition: shit  
winCondition [WC] fled the memo.  
blazingGlory: Is that why Victini *was* here  
boltfromTheblue: nah  
boltfromTheblue: ok maybe  
boltfromTheblue: nobody from unovas really interested  
boltfromTheblue: dunno why teths here  
disavowedNegotiation: I’m only here because Calyrex banned everyone from the Galar memo again and I’m waiting for somebody to relieve my boredom.  
blazingGlory: I’m not interested either  
disavowedNegotiation: Carry on.  
boltfromTheblue: ok  
boltfromTheblue: we were trying to poach victini for our team tho  
blazingGlory: We, meaning  
boltfromTheblue: us  
boltfromTheblue: johto collectively  
crystallineSlush: No, it was just you.  
blazingGlory: Sister  
crystallineSlush: Brother.  
boltfromTheblue: and just like that the excitement drains from the room  
boltfromTheblue: seriously  
boltfromTheblue: if we have victini with us were guaranteed to win  
blazingGlory: Isn’t that because he ragequits everything he’s about to lose  
boltfromTheblue: no  
disavowedNegotiation: Consider this: Yes.  
boltfromTheblue: shut up  
boltfromTheblue: if we get victini on our team the game is ours  
boltfromTheblue: somebody back me up here  
boltfromTheblue: @beastieBirb  
crystallineSlush: *If*.  
crystallineSlush: Celebi, do we get Victini on our team? @outtaTime  
boltfromTheblue: suicune no  
boltfromTheblue: thats cheating  
future outtaTime [fOT] joined memo 70 HOURS FROM NOW.  
future outtaTime: nope!  
boltfromTheblue: fuck  
boltfromTheblue: whose team is he on  
crystallineSlush: What happened to ‘cheating’?  
boltfromTheblue: you summoned her you dont get to argue  
future outtaTime: what, and ruin the surprise?  
boltfromTheblue: its alolas team isnt it  
boltfromTheblue: its always fucking alola  
future outtaTime: though speaking of surprises we do end up with a non-Johto team member!  
blazingGlory: I’m not sticking around for this  
boltfromTheblue: who  
boltfromTheblue: bro just hang on  
disavowedNegotiation: Let me give this a wild Drill Peck in the dark.  
disavowedNegotiation: It’s me.  
future outtaTime: why would i tell you?  
disavowedNegotiation: Fuck, it’s me.  
crystallineSlush: …Then why tell us about it in the first place?  
crystallineSlush: It’s not funny when you tease us like this.  
future outtaTime: i know, except it really, really is.  
current outtaTime [cOT] is no longer away.  
current outtaTime: who pinged me?  
current outtaTime: oh.  
future outtaTime: yeah.  
future outtaTime: sorry!  
blazingGlory: Here we go again  
future outtaTime: nah i’m out already. i had a quiet moment and remembered suicune asked.  
current outtaTime: so i don’t make a quick hop right now?  
current outtaTime: nice!  
future outtaTime: nope!  
future outtaTime: oh wait, just remembered something i have to do first.  
future outtaTime: @twicemulticolored @twicemulticolored @twicemulticolored  
boltfromTheblue: WHY  
future outtaTime [fOT] fled the memo.  
disavowedNegotiation: 1 (one) fear.  
boltfromTheblue: you shut up  
crystallineSlush: Celebi, your future self is a jerk.  
current outtaTime: that’s what i’m here for!  
boltfromTheblue: fuck now i gotta explain all this before he wakes up  
boltfromTheblue: so chain order  
blazingGlory: What  
boltfromTheblue: bt < cs < ot < bb < tm < bg  
boltfromTheblue: and then victini if he comes back  
boltfromTheblue: or teth i guess if shes right  
disavowedNegotiation: Cute. I’m *always* right.  
blazingGlory: What are you talking about  
boltfromTheblue: sis i gotta scoot you tell him  
crystallineSlush: Fine.  
crystallineSlush: I will explain everything because you’re afraid of our father.  
crystallineSlush: I’m sure if you get going now you’ll reach the edge of the city before he notices.  
twiceMulticolored [TM] joined the memo.  
twiceMulticolored: WHAT’S GOING ON?  
boltfromTheblue: shiiiiiiit  
boltfromTheblue [BT] fled the memo.  
current outtaTime: oh, you know, stuff.  
current outtaTime: raikou booking it.  
twiceMulticolored: HE WAS HERE???  
crystallineSlush: Celebi!  
twiceMulticolored: THAT LITTLE SHIT.  
twiceMulticolored [TM] fled the memo.  
disavowedNegotiation: 2 (two) fears.  
crystallineSlush: I’m glad you’re enjoying this, Tethera.  
disavowedNegotiation: Compared to what I experience in the Galar memo on a daily basis this is premium entertainment.  
disavowedNegotiation: Pretty much every day it’s the dogs being awkward, Urshifu being naive, and then Calyrex muting everyone on some imagined slight.  
current outtaTime: glad i could be of service!  
crystallineSlush: Celebi, why are you like this?  
crystallineSlush: Is it your fault that all this is happening when father is grouchy?  
current outtaTime: aw you know you love me suikun.  
current outtaTime: and i’d love to say yes but no.  
current outtaTime: just a coincidence.  
blazingGlory: There are no coincidences when you’re involved  
current outtaTime: very true!  
current outtaTime: but hand on heart i haven’t had anything to do with the setup here.  
current outtaTime: or at least present me hasn’t.  
current outtaTime: i can’t speak yet for the future.  
current outtaTime: the boss is being very secretive about the whole thing.  
blazingGlory: So what was he talking about  
crystallineSlush: Did you read anything that came with the invitation Mewtwo sent?  
blazingGlory: No  
crystallineSlush: And you wonder why we don’t get along.  
crystallineSlush: Go back and read it.

> Entei: Read Mewtwo’s message again.  
Ugh. You really don’t want to. A game to which every legendary and mythical Pokémon has been invited - even if some of them don’t end up playing - is going to be a huge mess. Unfortunately, because Raikou is… well, Raikou, you have no hope of ducking out yourself. If you attempt to bail, he will hound you like there’s no tomorrow.

You sigh. Oh well. Better get this over with.

CC: please begin by downloading the attached game files.  
CC: there are two: the client application and the server application.  
CC: make sure you download both.  
CC: players join the game by connecting their client application with another player’s server application.  
CC: from there, you should form a chain of sorts -  
CC: we are organizing this into teams by region, so the goal is to create several closed loops.  
CC: once you are connected, the way to proceed from there should be fairly self-explanatory.  
catsClone [CC] attached file [sbomie-client.exe].  
catsClone [CC] attached file [sbomie-server.exe].  
CC: this is a multiple export message so i won’t be able to directly respond to any additions to this conversation, but please address any queries to myself or arceus.  
CC: though having said that, please also add at least one line to this conversation to acknowledge receipt of the files.  
CC: thank you for participating, and good luck.  
BG: Why are you even doing this  
CC: <auto> response noted.

How… unhelpful.

To be perfectly honest, technology isn’t your strongest suit. If it was, you wouldn’t be stuck listening to whatever Kalosian nonsense your radio is babbling on about. At the very least you know how to run these files. What is ‘Sbomie’? You’ve never heard of it.

So what your brother was trying to tell you was that his ‘loop’ first involves Suicune connecting to him, and then, in order, Celebi, Lugia, your father, and you, followed by whatever tagalongs you happen to have, after which you guess Raikou will connect to whoever comes last. You note that he is nowhere near your father in the list. This is probably intentional.

blazingGlory: Okay  
blazingGlory: I read it but still don’t understand  
crystallineSlush: Well, now you’re in the same boat as the rest of us.  
crystallineSlush: How long is your download set to take?  
blazingGlory: 30 minutes  
crystallineSlush: Huh.  
crystallineSlush: We started a while ago and we’re still going.  
disavowedNegotiation: What are the chances he’s just punking us with a virus?  
current outtaTime: nil.  
current outtaTime: i may not know a lot about what’s going on yet but i know the game is real.  
current outtaTime: and fun, if my future self is to be believed!  
disavowedNegotiation: Well, good.  
disavowedNegotiation: Because if this computer breaks Tyan is going to refuse to build me another one.  
[MOD] beastieBirb [BB] is no longer away.  
[MOD] beastieBirb: Sorry, I was a bit busy.  
[MOD] beastieBirb: What did Raikou want me for?  
disavowedNegotiation: Sorry Uncle, he’s already gone.  
[MOD] beastieBirb: I’m not your uncle.  
crystallineSlush: Are you aware of the game, Lugia?  
[MOD] beastieBirb: Peripherally. I’ve got several Pokémon shouting at me from different directions and I’m having trouble keeping up.  
disavowedNegotiation: My cousins being stupid again?  
[MOD] beastieBirb: They’re not your cousins.  
disavowedNegotiation: And thank Arceus for that.  
[MOD] beastieBirb: But yes, they’re part of the problem.  
[MOD] beastieBirb: If you don’t mind, if nobody needs me here any more, I’m going to duck out again.  
crystallineSlush: So long as you’re running the download.  
crystallineSlush: If father doesn’t kill Raikou before he gets back he’ll have a fit if somebody hasn’t yet started.  
[MOD] beastieBirb: It’s running, no fear there.  
disavowedNegotiation: Y’know, if Arceus wants us to play this thing, I don’t see why he doesn’t just get Dialga to speed things up a bit.  
disavowedNegotiation: Make the download faster or something.  
current outtaTime: ooh, bad idea there. trust me, computers like to break when they time travel even if it’s just for a few minutes.  
[MOD] beastieBirb [BB] has gone AFK.  
current outtaTime: dunno why but they just blow up.  
disavowedNegotiation: 3 (three) fears.  
blazingGlory: I’m going  
crystallineSlush: I can’t stop you. Just let us know when the download is finished.  
blazingGlory: Fine  
blazingGlory [BG] fled the memo.

This is why you don’t like dealing with other Pokémon.

> Entei: Do something to stave off the boredom.  
You may as well tidy up in here. Tidying up is another thing you’ve been putting off in favor of working.

You CAPTCHALOGUE a PILE OF LEAVES that blew in during the last storm into your SYLLADEX.

SYLLADEXES (SYLLADICES?), CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS, and other terms associated with your INVENTORY SYSTEM have had about a year to be ingrained into your personal mythology. It’s another one of MEWTWO’s inventions, one which you begrudgingly admit is actually very useful, especially as otherwise your only way of carrying things would be to either put them in your mouth or awkwardly try to drape them over your back and hope they don’t fall off. You don’t know exactly HOW it works, and you don’t want to.

Your particular FETCH MODUS - that is, the method with which you retrieve items from your SYLLADEX - is an extremely basic one called PASSWORD. You assign a password to every item you put in, and then you put in the password again to take them out again. You haven’t really got the patience for anything else. Unfortunately this does sometimes lead to things getting stuck when you can’t remember the password you set for it. Two of your cards are clogged up this way, one with a PAPER LANTERN (that you can’t even remember picking up) and a… THING YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS. Suicune gave it to you one day and you’ve completely forgotten what it is, what it’s for, why she gave it to you, why you even accepted it, and (obviously) what password you set for it. It may just be that the password is the name of the item. Your memory isn’t that bad, it just doesn’t have patience for things.

You’re not going to ask about it though. You can’t be bothered.

Since you’re now going to be occupied for a while performing an extremely boring menial task, how about we try being somebody new?

> [Begin Sequence V: UNOVA]======>  
  
This is somebody new.

> Enter name.  
Your name is THUNDURUS. You are a member of the group known as the FORCES OF NATURE, alongside your bond brother TORNADUS (good for a fight but NOT MUCH ELSE) and your ‘CARETAKER’ LANDORUS (who gets some kind of sick perverted pleasure from ORDERING YOU ABOUT). As such, there’s nothing you get a kick out of more than WANTON, UNWARRANTED DESTRUCTION. Preferably by taking a lightning storm and driving it through some unlucky prat’s field. You went to GALAR once and turned an entire flock of WOOLOO into MAREEP this way.

LANDORUS said this WASN’T PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE.

LANDORUS’S FACE ISN’T PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE.

Because most of your hobbies involve TERRORIZING PEOPLE, there’s not much you tend to collect to show evidence of your INTERESTS, apart from the OCCASIONAL THUNDERCLOUD that you take home with you because you never know when you’ll need to discharge it in somebody’s face. At the moment, you currently only have ONE, safely stored within your SYLLADEX, because LANDORUS confiscated all the rest. He got a face full of THUNDER for his trouble, as well as an unsuspecting Oddish who was lurking in the area. That was pretty sweet. You have a motto - IT DOESN’T QUALIFY AS AWESOME UNLESS A SPECTATOR TAKES IT IN THE FACE. You recently got the chance to double down on this when the SWORDS OF JUSTICE invited you to ‘TEST YOUR ACCURACY’. You made it a personal mission not to leave until all three of them had been knocked out at least once.

Owing to recent… ah… DISAGREEMENTS, all three of you are currently locked into your THERIAN FORMES. You are one hundred percent blaming TORNADUS for this.

Okay so maybe it was actually your fault but who cares.

Your Poképal user handle is cumuloBurnout, and /\/ you preface all of your messages with a little lightning bolt because they’re awesome.

What will you do?

> Thundurus: What’s this about a game?  
A game? The game? You’ve seen this thing from Mewtwo that he sent about half an hour ago. You doubt it could be as fun as terrorizing innocent humans, but you’ll GIVE IT A SHOT. Most of the games you play you only play just to watch and laugh when everybody else inevitably screws up. If they have to be HELPED into screwing up, that’s even better. Because you’ve spoken to him already, you know that Tornadus is already down for it, and where the two of you go, Landorus is sure to follow, but your region is having… issues.

Just look at them. The Swords of Justice are all busy doing Swords of Justice stuff. The Tao Dragon Pair are usually up for a good competition but they’re waiting for Kyurem’s go-ahead (and he hates games). Nobody can understand what Genesect says. That just leaves Victini (who is an even bigger TOOL than Landorus is), Keldeo (who is COMPLETELY SPINELESS) and Meloetta.

> Thundurus: Recruit Meloetta.  
You already tried that! However she hasn’t forgotten that it hasn’t been that long since you dropped an entire thunderstorm on top of that freaky tower she lives in just for the lolz, and as such she hates your guts. She has blocked you. Actually, now that you think about it, most of the region’s legendaries have blocked you. Really this is Mewtwo’s fault - he knows full well that not every region is full of legendaries willing to be buddy-buddy with each other at a moment’s notice.

It can’t hurt to try again though.

Oh. Hmmm. It looks like you were able to open the conversation without problems. Maybe she unblocked you when you weren’t looking?

cumuloBurnout [CB] began pestering octetMelody [OM] at 09:33AM.  
CB: /\/ yo mels  
CB: /\/ wanna get the ball rolling on team unova  
CB: /\/ you know for mewtwos game  
OM: I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but Team Unova is a nonentity~  
CB: /\/ what  
CB: /\/ what do you mean a nonentity what do you think im trying to do here  
OM: I mean those of us who *are* interested are seeking alternate arrangements~  
OM: For example, Victini is actively engaging other regions to join their teams~  
CB: /\/ since when was dicktini a good role model  
CB: /\/ cmon  
CB: /\/ you me my bro landy and kelds  
CB: /\/ fives gotta be enough right  
OM: Thundurus~  
OM: Before you do anything, rethink your position~  
OM: I won’t simply blindly accept your petition~  
CB: /\/ what  
CB: /\/ fuck are you singing again  
OM: You think I’d be willing to forget, just like that~?  
OM: Let the past be the past at the drop of a hat~?  
OM: I may have unblocked you; that’s true, I admit~  
OM: Our region may still find its senses~;  
OM: That’s a fact I cannot omit~  
OM: We may have to work together~  
OM: A fact I cannot deny~  
OM: But to work with you directly, right now that just won’t fly~  
OM: There is but one thing you have to do, so that you may claim your quarry~;  
OM: Just one word~  
OM: One simple word~  
CB: /\/ no fuck this im out  
cumuloBurnout [CB] stopped pestering octetMelody [OM] at 09:39AM.

Gah. You can’t stand Meloetta’s singing. Anything musical in general just sounds like horrible screeching in your ears but Meloetta specifically sounds like somebody stepped on a Purrloin. It’s plain she’s not interested.

> Thundurus: Or you could just say sorry?  
No way! Apologizing isn’t your thing. Apologizing is a SIGN OF WEAKNESS. Tornadus would find out and he would tease you for the rest of your life (and given that you’re legendary Pokémon, that’s pretty damn long). The only ‘apologies’ you’ve ever made have been insincere ones to Landorus. You never mean them, and he knows you never mean them, and you know he knows. Your bro does the same thing. It’s a balanced system.

So what now? Admittedly you’re still downloading the game so you couldn’t play for another few hours if you wanted to, and long-term organization is definitely not your strong suit, but that was the only idea you had. You don’t particularly feel like talking to your bro right now, a conversation with Landorus is a crime you wouldn’t inflict on anyone, and you can’t think of a reason why you’d want to talk to somebody from another region. The Electric-type memo, where you’d talk to Zapdos, Raikou, Zekrom, Tapu Koko and Zeraora, and occasionally break Regieleki, is completely dead.

You have a look around your CLOUD HOUSE. Damn it’s nice living in the clouds and not in some cave somewhere. From the outside it just looks like a storm cloud, albeit one that doesn’t produce rain (unless you’re having a bath). Inside you have comfort and convenience, doubly so since you can just move it anywhere you want. See a human trying to make ‘ART’? Plonk the cloud right in the middle of his scene and refuse to go away, ruin his beautiful blue sky. You have a variety of AMENITIES, including, you’re proud to say, a GAMES CONSOLE. When you’re stuck inside this is how you spend most of your time. It’s one of the few things Landorus approves of since he says that if you and your bro are playing it you’re not causing trouble elsewhere.

He’s not that good at technology though. If he was he’d almost certainly have it taken away because you’re not paying for your online subscription. Goody-four-shoes like Keldeo might somehow sustain an income and pay their dues, but damn it, you’re legendary Pokémon. Humans should just be giving you this stuff.

Unfortunately when you turn the console on it looks like the download of Mewtwo’s game is tanking your connection speed. So much for that.

Hm. It’s a nice morning out. This means you could probably find some unsuspecting humans out walking. Guess that means it’s time to go harass them!

> Thundurus: Go harass a human.  
It doesn’t take you long to find your first unsuspecting target. Look at him with his stupid picnic blanket. This sap doesn’t even know you’re here. It should be easy for you to just— ow!

Okay. Somebody else did see you, and decided to throw a capture ball at you. Moron. You thought by now every human by now would be aware that capture balls no longer function on legendary and mythical Pokémon, but apparently this idiot missed the memo. Aw look, he’s reaching for his belt. You’re going to have fun with this!

BATTLE!

Moron Trainer A sends out a SCRAFTY!  
> Thundurus: Discharge.  
You use DISCHARGE. You really like this move because you don’t need to aim it. If you hit everything, you don’t need to aim. QED. Moron’s Scrafty is knocked out immediately and the trainer’s pretty frazzled too. Wow, this guy really doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Moron Trainer A sends out a KROKOROK!  
Hmph. At least he’s got the sense to use a Ground-type now. Out of begrudging respect for Moron’s Krokorok’s INTIMIDATE ability you dial back a little bit.  
> Thundurus: Agility.  
You’ve got a plan in the works so you’re going to need the extra speed. You use AGILITY. Everything else seems to slow down.  
Moron’s Krokorok uses SWAGGER! What, this guy thinks he’s better than you all of a sudden?! You’re going to put this guy right where he belongs! In a tutu! …what? Why is the world spinning?  
> Thundurus: Slammer Farm.  
That doesn’t even make any sense! That’s not a move! That’s nothing! It’s stupid! You feel a little dumber for having to acknowledge it in the first place.  
Moron’s Krokorok uses CRUNCH. Ow! That’s your tail! Get off! GET OFF!  
> Thundurus: Thrash.  
Okay, that does it! You use THRASH and slam Moron’s Krokorok into the floor.  
Moron’s Krokorok uses SANDSTORM. The obvious happens. That actually really hurts. Geez, it’s getting into your eyes too.  
> ======>  
Because you’re locked into it now, you THRASH again. A glancing blow. Not enough to do anything serious.  
Moron’s Krokorok uses BITE. Ow again! And damn this sand!  
> ======>  
You FLINCH. And, while you’re at it, you SNAP OUT OF CONFUSION. Augh. You think you punched yourself at some point, you don’t know when. Next round you’re gonna show this guy exactly what he’s dealing with.  
Moron’s Krokorok uses CRUNCH again. Or at least it tries to. It missed.  
> Thundurus: Hammer Arm.  
You think this is what you were trying to do earlier. You use HAMMER ARM, sending Moron’s Krokorok flying into its trainer. Both are knocked unconscious.  
You won the battle! For your winnings you will happily relocate all of the sand the sandstorm kicked up into the guy’s bag. It was his decision to fight you and that’s the consequence.

Wow, that took a lot more out of you than you thought it would. Stupid confusion. While you’ve still got a bit of a boost from that Agility you used earlier you’re going to ABSCOND back home. While you’d happily take on multiple challengers under normal circumstances, you’d rather not get locked into something like that if you’ve got a game to play later.

> Thundurus: Return home.  
One thing you’re gonna have to do is report this to Landorus. While this means the annoyance of starting a conversation with him, if you leave it to him to find out - and he will - he’ll lecture you for hours on exercising ‘restraint’.

cumuloBurnout [CB] joined memo STORMSPIRITS on board THE LEGENDARIUM.  
> Private Board for users milestoneTwister [MT], cumuloBurnout [CB] and thousandSiroccos [TS].  
> Present members: milestoneTwister [MT], thousandSiroccos [TS]

CB: /\/ landy  
TS: /_\ what?  
CB: /\/ just dealt with a moron  
CB: /\/ won handily thank you no applause please  
TS: /_\ thundurus.  
TS: /_\ explain.  
CB: /\/ calm your tits he challenged me  
CB: /\/ idiot threw a ball at me first too lol  
TS: /_\ and what were you doing to be in a position to be challenged in such a manner?  
CB: /\/ was gonna ruin some other dudes picnic  
MT: \\_/ lmao right on bro  
CB: /\/ i see picnic and i think target  
CB: /\/ pretty sure his rug had a bullseye on it  
TS: /_\ thundurus, we have discussed this.  
TS: /_\ no targeting picnics.  
MT: \\_/ i love picnics  
MT: \\_/ especially the whooshing sound they make as they go flying past me  
MT: \\_/ also its not even ten in the morning who has picnics this fucking early  
CB: /\/ yeah exactly  
MT: \\_/ so did you ruin it  
CB: /\/ nah they ran off while i was battling  
CB: /\/ filled the moron’s bag with sand instead  
MT: \\_/ lol  
TS: /_\ …why?  
CB: /\/ he forfeited his right to an unsanded bag when he had his minion use sandstorm  
CB: /\/ its still coming out of my ears  
TS: /_\ thundurus did you leave him unconscious on the ground?  
CB: /\/ well yeah what else was i gonna do  
CB: /\/ im not a taxi service  
TS: /_\ do not go anywhere.  
TS: /_\ i’m on my way.  
thousandSiroccos [TS] fled the memo.  
MT: \\_/ you dun goofed  
MT: \\_/ whyd you even go out anyway  
CB: /\/ bored  
CB: /\/ waiting for mewtwos game to download  
CB: /\/ it says its gonna take 9 hours ffs  
MT: \\_/ yeah same  
MT: \\_/ i tried messaging victini but he says were losers  
CB: /\/ what do you expect from dicktini  
CB: /\/ i did the same with meloetta but shes not interested either  
CB: /\/ whyd mewtwo send it to everyone he knows basically everyone in unova doesnt do games  
MT: \\_/ beats me  
CB: /\/ yeah so im gonna scoot before landy gets here  
MT: \\_/ seeya  
cumuloBurnout [CB] fled the memo.

Landorus told you not to go anywhere. And you won’t. You’ll go SOMEWHERE instead. You’re gonna head to that hill or whatever that Keldeo lives in and crash at his place until the heat dies down. You’d better leave right now!

> Thundurus: Quickly!  
You ABSCOND again. Landorus will be pissed at you when he finds the house empty. But it’s a feeling he should be used to. He knows by now that when he says ‘don’t go anywhere’ he will arrive to find you long gone.

The SEVENTH OF AUGUST is shaping up to be a day just like any other this past summer. No heatwaves, they’ve all gone west to Orre, no storms (at least not natural ones) on the horizon. Unova is Unova, and it will keep being Unova. BORING. Unova is Unova because nothing interesting ever happens. Hopefully Mewtwo’s game will change that. You don’t know what type of game it is, nobody will tell you, but it’s certain to be more interesting than the mind-numbing boredom that every day life in Unova creates.

If you knew exactly what the game entailed, you would be ecstatic.

But you don’t, so you aren’t.

> [Begin Sequence VII: ALOLA]=====-+>  
  
> Enter name.  
Your name is LUNALA. You like to consider yourself one of the BENEFACTORS OF ALOLA, which in practice doesn’t mean a lot because EVERYBODY WORKS FAIRLY AUTONOMOUSLY. You are more commonly referred to as the BEAST THAT CALLS THE MOON, which you have to admit is a very pretty title but rather long-winded, and if you’re honest you object to the word ‘BEAST’. You prefer BAT. Because, well, you are one, albeit one which evolved from a little creature which MAY OR MAY NOT have originated in ANOTHER DIMENSION.

One of your friends, TAPU KOKO, likes to call you BATMOON. This title is worse. Apparently it’s a reference to a particular human entertainment but it’s not one that draws your interest. Tapu Koko is strange and you’re just going to leave it at that.

No, your interests primarily lie in ROLE-PLAYING GAMES. There’s nothing better than a good RP SESSION over POKÉPAL. Not any particularly violent forms of roleplaying like some people might be familiar with, just old-fashioned text-based roleplaying. You like to consider yourself MODERATELY COMPETENT at it. You’re not going to be carrying the fights but you certainly don’t leave your teammates to do all the work. You’re a TEAM PLAYER. If somebody needs help, you’re damn well going to help them.

While you’re unaware of Entei’s living conditions on the other side of the ocean, your habitat is to the untrained eye rather similar, with exceptions being made for your significant size difference and flying ability. One obvious difference is the GAME TABLE. This is where you keep all your TABLETOP MINIATURES. You don’t ever use them because, again, SIZE DIFFERENCE, but sometimes you like to move them around and imagine elaborate action sequences. Unfortunately your attempt to act as DUNGEON MASTER ended in a disaster and you’d prefer not to go through that again.

You’ve just come inside from a decent night’s flying. The sun will be rising soon, which means that your companion SOLGALEO will be taking over benefactor duty, and you will be going to SLEEP. You are NOCTURNAL, after all, and the nature of your usual work encourages you to sleep every day. Fortunately you know that this will not impede any game you may be playing in the slighest. Actually, you know for a fact it will be REQUIRED.

You clocked Mewtwo’s message immediately when you got in, and began your game download. You’d been expecting this for a while. To most of the legendary and mythical Pokémon, this is just a game. To you, you know a little more than Mewtwo has indicated. You, and a small group of others. One of whom is now messaging you.

Your Poképal user handle is moietySatellite, and you have a habit of allowing your roleplaying to slip in from time to time. *shrug*

What will you do?

> Lunala: Answer Kyurem.

dualistTao [DT] began pestering moietySatellite [MS] at 05:51AM (10:51AM Unova Time).  
DT: IT has BEGUN  
MS: Hmmmm. Pela no hoi.  
MS: About time, I should say.  
MS: *massive, exaggerated yawn*  
MS: The moon has been too quiet for too long.  
MS: I say quiet. Groudon is almost constantly snoring.  
MS: Hopefully the others should wake soon.  
MS: That’s not to imply I hate the isolation, but I get enough of it awake as it is.  
MS: Enough about me.  
MS: Have you begun your preparations?  
DT: NO  
DT: WE are MEDDLING with THINGS that ARE beyond OUR comprehension  
DT: IT will LEAD to NOTHING but RUIN and DESTRUCTION  
DT: THE game CANNOT be WON  
DT: IT can ONLY be LOST  
MS: You’re such a downer.  
DT: NEVERTHELESS  
DT: I will BE informing THE others THAT we WILL not BE playing  
MS: I really don’t think you’ve got a lot of choice, ka’u hoa.  
MS: We’re all of us in this, whether we want to be or not.  
MS: I suppose we can fault Mewtwo a little for not explaining everything, but I don’t think even he has the full picture.  
MS: But so be it. If you have made up your mind, far be it for me to stop you.  
MS: *dismissive claw wave*  
MS: You may find yourself changing your tune.  
DT: UNLIKELY  
MS: What’s that thing you always say to calm your half-brothers?  
MS: ‘The path to the truth isn’t always ideal, and what is ideal may require sacrifcing the truth’?  
MS: You should start listening to your own advice.  
MS: For now, though, I should take my leave.  
MS: I have things that require attention before I turn in for the day.  
MS: Alola.  
moietySatellite [MS] stopped pestering dualistTao [DT] at 06:03AM (11:03AM Unova Time).

Kyurem always tends to be a stick-in-the-mud, no matter what the topic of discussion is. You hope he doesn’t end up regretting his decision. The tough choices are always hard to make, even if they’re made for you in the end.

> Lunala: Attend to things.  
First things first, you need to ensure the dawn’s handoff occurs without problem. While Autopilot is going to be taking care of your group’s main duties, it still won’t do to allow SOLGALEO to sleep in.

moietySatellite [MS] began pestering solarMaverick [SM] at 06:05AM.  
MS: The night is old, the day is young;  
MS: The moon sets, the sun rises over the islands, and the peace of the dark gives way to the business of the light.  
MS: *bows deeply*  
MS: Alola, Solgaleo.  
SM: Alola, Lunala.  
SM: Good morning.  
SM: Have a good night?  
MS: There was nothing out of the ordinary.  
MS: You should see that Autopilot has been activated so our handoff is merely a courtesy.  
SM: I see it. The courtesy is appreciated nonetheless.  
SM: A game?  
MS: Yes.  
MS: I regret that I will be unable to join you and the others until I am fully rested, but even Autopilot cannot satisfy our physical needs for us.  
MS: *shrug*  
SM: Ah, don’t worry about it. You get your sleep, I’ll make sure everyone behaves.  
MS: Much appreciated.  
MS: Oh, and Solgaleo?  
MS: Please allow them a little bit of slack.  
MS: The game is… complicated, and everyone will be stressed soon.  
SM: I’ll take your word for it.  
SM: Get some rest.  
SM: The day is young, the night is old;  
SM: Sunlight wakes the world from night’s calm, refreshed, rejuvenated, ready to face the challenges that lay ahead.  
SM: Alola, Lunala.  
MS: Alola, Solgaleo. Good morning.  
moietySatellite [MS] stopped pestering solarMaverick [SM] at 06:10AM.

You’ve heard from others that Solgaleo has a habit of sticking his nose into their business where it doesn’t belong. But in his dealings with you, he is nothing but polite and courteous. Your dawn and dusk rituals are no place for hostility, complaints, or rambling. They are but short exchanges to make sure you are each aware of any troubling developments that may be ongoing. They are a constant.

You fear that may be about to change.

Quickly you check on your download progress. Curiously, though it said when you started it would take but a few hours, the remaining time has jumped up to about 19 hours, so it’ll finish shortly after midnight tomorrow. Strange. But, then, you’re used to slow download speeds. You are technically stealing WiFi.

One other thing needs your attention. You try, again, to contact Zygarde. And, again, you fail. It’s most concerning. You’ve been unable to contact him, or anybody in Kalos for that matter, for a few days. Up until radio silence he’s been a surprising source of information, similar though not quite identical to your own source. You were coordinating. Yet though it should be daytime there, there is no response.

Well. There’s little you can do about it. He will resurface when he does. The world will turn regardless. For now, it’s time to sleep.

Lacking legs, you cannot sleep upside down like most bats, but you can hook the tips of your wings into the cavern roof and just… suspend yourself. Already you can feel sleep claiming you. You allow yourself a smile as you drift off, knowing that when you wake, you will be somewhere else entirely.

> Lunala: Sleep.

> End of Act 1, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New and Improved Legendtrapped(tm). Avatars! Commands! Battles! We're really pushing the boat out here. Fun fact: There are no Pokémon who begin with the "sub" syllable in English, and only two in Japanese: Subame (Taillow) and Subomie (Budew).
> 
> As opposed to the Alpha version, updates to this story will be a *lot* slower, because I'm writing them as I go plus I need to finish the avatars relevant to a part before I can put it up. Out of 76 Pokémon, I've drawn 46, but only finished 16 at this moment. If this version gets popular enough, I might consider opening up the floor to a few user commands. That said the chapters are also going to be longer, since there's going to be more to cover. Act 1, for instance, covers these last semblances of normality while everybody waits for the game to download.
> 
> I'll explain this here: I wanted to get the Galarian forms of Articuno, Zapdos and Moltres in the story, but I can't have the characters just go around referring to them by their full names every time, that'd be so unwieldy. So they have nicknames: Yan, Tyan, and Tethera, which is an old Scots' shepherds way of counting 1 2 and 3.


	2. A1P2: Ready? Break!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was a disappointing Pokémon Presents. Have a chapter of Legendtrapped to make up for it.
> 
> In this chapter... Sinnoh gets organized, Zacian drops something, Thundurus eats a lot of snacks and one of the Regi explodes.

doctorWhom [DW] began pesterering theOne [TO] at 10:32PM.  
DW: Father, I have concerns.  
TO: Don’t we all.  
DW: I know you’ve chosen to withold as much of this game from us as possible, and I respect your decision, but, well…  
DW: Palkia and I have been looking at the next week or so and there are many impending temporal and spatial anomalies.  
DW: Much more than usual.  
DW: We attempted to pre-emptively correct them, but…  
TO: You were unable to.  
DW: Correct.  
DW: Bootstrap.  
DW: We cannot directly interfere with anything we ourselves yet to have had part in creating.  
TO: I was afraid of that.  
TO: Unfortunately there is little that can be done. We shall have to press on and hope for the best.  
DW: If I may ask, why go ahead with this in the first place?  
TO: I fear we are caught in an even larger bootstrap, Dialga, the scope of which even I cannot comprehend.  
TO: Failing to adhere to it… the consequences would be dire.  
TO: This is a game we are bound by Fate to play.  
TO: Though it is a journey of many roads, they all meet at the same landmarks along the way.  
DW: Have I mentioned how worried I get when you start underlining things?  
TO: I’m worried too.  
TO: The code for this… game… we are about to play… did Mewtwo tell you where it was discovered?  
DW: I’m told it was found inside some sort of ruin.  
TO: That is a partial truth. Half of the game’s code was, indeed, discovered by Marshadow in a ruined temple some miles out from the islands of Alola.  
TO: The other half…  
TO: It was etched onto the edge of my Plates.  
DW: That’s…  
TO: That fact is improbable, but not impossible. I was separated from them for some time, remember.  
TO: It is not, however, the *most* improbable part of the picture.  
TO: The ‘additions’ appear to be as old as the Plates themselves.  
TO: And they are accompanied by an emoji of Latias winking.

Act 1: The Worst Idea Of All Time  
Part 2: Ready? Break!  
======================================>

> [Begin Sequence IV: SINNOH] ====]]>  


> Enter name.  
Your name is UXIE. You are the first of SINNOH’s LAKE TRIO, dwelling in the vicinity of LAKE ACUITY. You are described as the POKÉMON OF KNOWLEDGE, though it is a title you tend not to use much, because EVERYBODY ASSUMES YOU KNOW EVERYTHING. While you don’t consider yourself ignorant by far you certainly aren’t omniscient.

Like your SIBLINGS AZELF and MESPRIT (BROTHERS is the wrong word considering that all three of you are AGENDER) you are an avid fan of HUMAN MUSIC. More specifically you prefer BLUES and JAZZ. It is this preference that has led you to seek out your own SAXOPHONE, which you play occasionally, but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have yet to produce any notes that don’t sound like SOMETHING DYING IN A WELL. This is fine though! It’s important to practice. You also have several POSTERS of varying HUMAN BLUES MUSICIANS. You have no idea who these people actually are but they’re playing blues-related instruments so they must be musicians.

Your other personal hobbies include LANDSCAPE PAINTING, which you are better at because you have a lot of time to practice, and ICE SKATING, which you are worse at because Lake Acuity only freezes in the winter so you only get practice ONCE A YEAR. The ability to fly somewhat nullifies any accidents you have whilst attempting the latter, which are frequent, because PSYCHIC-VISION isn’t perfect and if you accidentally open your eyes you’re going to end up ERASING SOMEBODY’S MEMORY. That’s something at which you need no practice, because you are very good at it. Putting memories back… not so much. To be honest you need more practice at it, but it’s the sort of thing you’d rather only do with a WILLING VOLUNTEER, and bearing in mind you have no control over WHICH memories you remove… yeah.

Nobody’s quite willing to volunteer for something that could possibly WIPE THEIR IDENTITY AWAY with no guarantee they’d get it back. So you KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSED. It’s a valid solution!

You’ve just awoken from a rather pleasing NAP, during which you had some rather strange DREAMS. Having strange dreams has become a recurring trend lately, not just for yourself you notice. CRESSELIA was recently tasked with investigating such matters. Whatever she found, she’s refusing to tell anyone about it.

Your Poképal handle is notaryMemento, and You Tend To Make It Clear Others Know What You Are Saying .

What will you do?

> Uxie: Play saxophone.  
In order to calm the soul, SMOOTH JAZZ will be deployed in three, two, one…

Hmmm.

That wasn’t so much SMOOTH JAZZ as it was… CORRUGATED JAZZ. While you’re sure that legendary jazz musician ‘WET BISCUIT’ MCGLEE could turn that into a decent little ditty, on its own it sounds like somebody strangling bagpipes. You’re not sure why you immediately came to this analogy because you don’t know what bagpipes sound like.

Uh… oh, it’s quite dark out. You probably should have checked what time it was before you started playing. You’ve probably woken up some of the nearby resident Pokémon with that. Sorry! You spend some time flying around and apologizing. Yes, as you thought, some of the other locals are rather ticked off with you right now. You’d better bunker down until it blows over. That said, it’s otherwise very calm and quiet out, and had you not just ruined the atmosphere with your saxophone, you might have found a bit of solace in setting up an easel and just painting the lake.

Again.

You have painted the lake dozens of times.

You settle down at your COMPUTER. You’re a very social Pokémon, so your desktop is littered with finished conversations that you never got around to closing the windows of. There are a lot of others online tonight, an unusual fact. Is there something happening? Nobody’s sent you any new messages in a while.

> Uxie: Pester Azelf.  
If something’s going on, Azelf is normally the one who knows about it.

notaryMemento [NM] began pestering counterweightWillow [CW] at 09:51PM.  
NM: Good Evening, Azelf .  
CW: hello (uxie)  
NM: There Are More Pokémon Online Than Is Usual For This Time Of Night .  
NM: Is Something Happening ?  
CW: not sure  
CW: i believe (autopilot) has just been (activated)  
CW: we are (discussing) the matter in the (sinnoh memo)  
NM: I Will Join You There .  
notaryMemento [NM] stopped pestering counterweightWillow [CW] at 09:53PM.

There is a certain… quality to the air indicative of the last time Autopilot was activated. It took Azelf pointing it out for you to notice. Hmmm.

notaryMemento [NM] joined memo I REMEMBER YOU on board IN THE MOUNTAINS.  
>Clearly this is the Sinnoh board. There are currently [8] members present.  
>We have Arceus and the Creation Trio. Your rule-breaking is invalid.  
>Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
>Present administrators: walkaboutDistributor [WD]  
>Present moderators: counterweightWillow [CW], gallimaufryWheeze [GW], poryBot [PB]  
>Present members: bosunSoul [BS], grassrootsOptimism [GO], moltenOpportunity [MO], nightmareUnleaded [NU], topiaryDreamscape [TD]  
>Your current username setting is: [SHORT]. Type /names long or /names real to change this.  
>MOTD: investigating (autopilot) -CW

[BOT] poryBot [PB] gave notaryMemento [NM] the ‘moderator’ role.  
GO: Hi Uxie!  
TD: Good evening, Uxie.  
BS: hi uxie  
[MOD] GW: EveningUxie  
[MOD] NM: I’m Told Autopilot Has Been Activated .  
TD: Yes, we were just discussing the matter.  
TD: I believe we were about to get an answer out of Palkia.  
[ADMIN] WD: I don’t know where you came to that conclusion.  
[ADMIN] WD: I already said that I can’t tell you.  
[MOD] CW: but it is not an (emergency)  
[ADMIN] WD: Okay yes.  
[ADMIN] WD: It’s not one of those situations where everybody has to drop everything they’re doing because we need everyone’s help.  
[ADMIN] WD: Nothing on the scale of Delta.  
GO: Phew!  
[ADMIN] WD: You’ll get a more official statement shortly.  
[MOD] NM: How Shortly ?  
[ADMIN] WD: I think it depends on how fast Mewtwo can type.  
[MOD] CW: so (mewtwo) is involved  
[MOD] GW: IThinkThatWasProbablyAGiven!  
TD: I still query whether we should be worried.  
TD: The activation of Autopilot is usually not a sign that everything is well.  
[MOD] NM: I Find Myself Agreeing With Cresselia .  
[MOD] NM: Previous Activations Of Autopilot Have Concurred With Large Scale Events .  
[ADMIN] WD: Look, just wait a couple of minutes.

> Uxie: Wait a couple of minutes.  
While you wait you find yourself reflecting on past activations of Autopilot. There was maybe only one time when Arceus activated it simply to give everybody a break, and surprising absolutely nobody Groudon and Kyogre took that as an excuse to MAKE it a large scale event. The last you were aware of the matter He was working out a way to only activate parts of it rather than do it for everybody—

You have a message from Mewtwo.

> Uxie: Read message.  
You quickly scan through the message. A game? Interesting. You immediately begin your download, which is set to take ten hours, and return to the memo.

[ADMIN] WD: I don’t have every single detail.  
[ADMIN] WD: Father is choosing to remain tight-lipped about the whole thing and if I’m honest it’s stressing me out.  
[MOD] CW: i (believe) we should begin (planning) immediately  
[MOD] CW: better to make (arrangements) (sooner) rather than (later)  
[MOD] GW: IAgree  
GO: You’re really good at organizing us, Azelf. You should be our team leader.  
[MOD] GW: IAgreeWithThatToo!  
[ADMIN] WD: Just for the record, Regigigas, my Father, my siblings and I won’t be joining you on the Sinnoh team.  
BS: huh?  
[ADMIN] WD: He has assembled a ‘control’ team populated with those of us more knowledgeable about the game.  
[ADMIN] WD: Why that includes me I don’t know but still.  
[ADMIN] WD: I’m operating under the assumption that whatever the competitive side of things is, we’re just going to act as moderators.  
TD: It makes a degree of sense.  
TD: It avoids giving any team an unfair advantage.  
NU: IS THERE ANY POINT IN ME TELLING MEWTWO TO FUCK OFF?  
TD: Besides the fact that it would be rude?  
NU: BEING POLITE WAS THE LAST THING ON MY MIND.  
[ADMIN] WD: It’s always only you, Darkrai.  
[ADMIN] WD: Only you choose to be the sour apple.  
[ADMIN] WD: When was the last time you did something fun?  
BS: ooh it was that time he came diving with me near almia  
BS: that was really fun!  
NU: GREAT I’D ALMOST FORGOTTEN THAT.  
NU: THANKS A ****BUNCH****.  
BS: youre welcome!  
[ADMIN] WD: Let me put it this way.  
[ADMIN] WD: Your boss will almost certainly be playing as well.  
NU: OH FUCK ME RUNNING.  
NU: FINE.  
[MOD] CW: any (objections) to my taking of the (leader) role  
[MOD] NM: No Objection .  
TD: Or from me.  
NU: I WOULD BUT YOU WOULDN’T LISTEN.  
BS: go for it!  
[MOD] CW: @moltenopportunity  
MO: itsss good.  
MO: i jussst don’t know how i’m going to play.  
MO: blind, remember?  
[ADMIN] WD: Fuck, that’s a good point.  
[ADMIN] WD: I’ll get Mewtwo to message you separately, hang on.  
[MOD] CW: okay  
[MOD] CW: all we can do for the moment is create a (chain)  
[MOD] CW: i will (connect) to (shaymin)  
GO: Roger!  
[MOD] CW: she will (connect) to (manaphy)  
BS: ok  
[MOD] CW: (manaphy) (connects) to (uxie)  
BS: cool!  
BS: its been a while since we played anything together uxie!  
[MOD] NM: Indeed .  
[MOD] CW: then (darkrai)  
NU: JOY.  
[MOD] CW: (cresselia)  
NU: NO.  
NU: IF I HAVE TO PLAY I’M NOT DOING SO WITH HER.  
TD: For the record I have no objections to that.  
NU: YEAH WELL YOU WOULDN’T.  
NU: AZELF I SWEAR TO FUCK IF YOU MAKE ME DO THAT YOU ARE GETTING NOTHING BUT NIGHTMARES FOR A WEEK.  
[MOD] CW: your (animosity) is (noted)  
[MOD] CW: in that case (mesprit) will serve as (intermediary)  
NU: BETTER.  
TD: You’re going to have to get over this eventually.  
TD: And you know full well that that was an empty threat because I can and will negate any attempt at using nightmares as a means of coercion.  
NU: ONLY BECAUSE I LET YOU.  
TD: That says a lot.  
NU: SHUT. THE ***FUCK***. UP.  
[MOD] GW: GuysGuysGuysGuys!  
[MOD] GW: WeDontHaveToMakeThisAHugeArgumentEveryTime!  
NU: HMPH.  
NU: I’M GOING TO GET SOME AIR.  
nightmareUnleaded [NU] fled the memo.  
BS: um  
BS: he doesnt breathe though  
GO: We know, Manaphy.  
[MOD] CW: might i (suggest) that you also take a (moment), (cresselia)  
TD: …I believe I will.  
topiaryDreamscape [TD] fled the memo.  
GO: Well, that could have gone better!  
[MOD] CW: i should (finish) and say the loop will end with (heatran)  
[MOD] CW: should (circumstances) change we will (amend) as necessary  
[MOD] GW: ItReallySeemsLikeTheSortOfThingThatNeedsToBeFlexible  
[MOD] GW: AnyDisruptionsWouldDenyUsMaximumEfficiency!  
GO: So long as attempting to be as efficient as possible doesn’t stop us from actually playing the game.  
GO: If we’re micro-managing everything it won’t be as fun.  
[MOD] CW: (agreed)  
[MOD] CW: we can treat this (chain) as (guideline) but not (rule)  
[MOD] CW: in any case we are (hampered) by the (download speed)  
[MOD] CW: my (download) is due to complete in (six hours)  
GO: Mine’s about the same.  
GO: It’s a good thing this is happening in the middle of the night!  
[MOD] CW: while we are (waiting) we should see if any others require (assistance)  
GO: Not to be rude, but are you sure other teams would accept assistance?  
GO: This is meant to be competitive, even if we don’t know how yet.  
[MOD] GW: AnIntelligentTeamWouldNotTurnDownAssistance  
[MOD] GW: TheyWouldBeWaryOfTreacheryTrue!  
[MOD] GW: NotThatIThinkWeAreEvenCapableOfSuchAThing  
[MOD] NM: That Is A Good Point .  
[MOD] NM: Subterfuge Is Not My Speciality .  
[MOD] CW: hmm  
[MOD] CW: (uxie)  
[MOD] NM: Yes ?  
[MOD] CW: you should see if (hoenn) or (galar) require (help)  
[MOD] CW: (mesprit), (kalos) or (kanto)  
[MOD] CW: (shaymin), (alola)  
[MOD] CW: i will contact (johto) and (unova)  
BS: ill make sure nothings going wrong with autopilot around the coast  
[MOD] CW: good (idea)  
[MOD] CW: it cannot (hurt) to be (certain)  
[MOD] CW: (objections)  
GO: …I’m gonna guess that’s a ‘no’.  
[MOD] CW: (ready)  
[MOD] CW: (break)  
[MOD] GW: Break!  
[MOD] NM: Break !  
GO: Break!  
BS: break!

You don’t leave the memo. Why would you need to leave the memo? It’s not like you’re going anywhere. The major benefit of Poképal is that you can do everything from your own home.

You will, however, acquire a BEVERAGE first. Fortunately you happen to have one in your SYLLADEX, which is operating using the JUKEBOX FETCH MODUS. Every item is stored on a record which can be accessed at any time, assuming you’re willing to put up with the assigned music track playing for the subsequent few minutes. But you wouldn’t use the modus if you didn’t like it, so it is with comfort that you retrieve a CAN OF LEMONADE and settle down to some jazz that’s a darn sight smoother - and quieter! - than what you were trying to play earlier.

Quickly you scan your open chat windows for anybody from Hoenn or Galar. The further region is about eight hours behind you, still mid-afternoon, so everybody there should be awake. As for Hoenn… well, you could see them needing a lot of help, especially where it comes to GROUDON and KYOGRE. Historically they have never played well together.

It seems that you never actually talked to anybody from Galar recently, and your only open chat window with a legendary from Hoenn is with Jirachi, who is one of the few currently offline. You will need to open a new chat window.

> Uxie: Start with Galar.  
Yes, that makes sense. Hoenn will no doubt monopolize hours of your time, leaving no room for you to provide any assistance to Galar.

The most obvious place to start would be the Galar region memo. However, Calyrex is notoriously stingy about guests, and keeps the board passworded at all times. You will need to pester him to get the password first.

notaryMemento [NM] began pestering mistyGreensward [MG] at 10:34PM (02:34PM Galar time)  
NM: Good Afternoon Calyrex .  
NM: In The Context Of Mewtwo’s Game, I Would Like To Offer My Assistance In Organizing Your Region’s Team .  
NM: May I Have Access To The Galar Memo ?  
mistyGreensward [MG] blocked notaryMemento [NM].

Oh. That was a rather unexpected reaction. Perhaps you should try somebody more amenable.

> Uxie: Pester Urshifu.

notaryMemento [NM] began pestering grandMartial [GM] at 10:35PM (02:35PM Galar time)  
NM: Good Afternoon Urshifu .  
GM: oh hi uxie.  
NM: I Am Assuming You Are Aware Of Mewtwo’s Game ?  
GM: yeah we kinda are.  
NM: I Attempted To Message Calyrex Offering My Assistance With Organization , But He Blocked Me Without Saying A Word .  
NM: Do You Have The Password To Your Region’s Memo ?  
GM: not anymore. :/  
GM: calyrex is kind of having a big temper tantrum at the moment.  
GM: he changed the password and wont tell anyone what it is.  
NM: I See .  
GM: hes sort of ranting to nobody at the moment since he muted everyone until january.  
GM: we probably could use the help but we cant get it atm.  
GM: mewtwo said team regions but  
GM: team galar doesnt exist.  
NM: Have You Tried Contacting Mewtwo About This ?  
NM: It Seems The Sort Of Thing He Would Need To Sort Out .  
GM: yeah i think zacians doing it.  
GM: were using a backup memo atm but you wont be able to join that either.  
NM: Why Not ?  
GM: its invite only, the only person who can give out invitations is the one who set it up who is eternatus, and hes off doing something.  
GM: nobody knows what.  
GM: which is really really weird because its not like he can go anywhere without causing a riot.  
NM: Well .  
NM: I Was Tasked By Azelf To Provide Assistance To Other Teams .  
NM: If There Is No Team There Yet To Organize I Should Move On .  
NM: Would You Let Me Know When There Are Any Developments ?  
GM: sure.  
NM: Thank You .

It could be going better, you have to admit.

Before you join the Hoenn memo, you take a quick look back at the Sinnoh memo again. It’s gone fairly quiet. Heatran is back and explaining to Azelf how he’s going to play, and it looks like his disability won’t be hampering him. That’s good to hear. There’s also a message from Mesprit about how Kanto refused help and nobody from Kalos is answering, so they’re going to fly/teleport over there and see what’s going on. It seems your region is the only one to have collected itself.

You drop a quick update in about Galar and navigate to the Hoenn memo.

> [Begin Sequence VIII: GALAR] **********>  


> Enter name.  
Your name is ZACIAN. You are the SWORD-BEARING HERO OF GALAR, the WIELDER OF THE SWORD OF TRUTH, the CYAN BEAST. You have lots of cool titles. It isn’t really the SWORD OF TRUTH but it sounds cool so you’ll let it slide. One thing you’d better clear up right away: you are MALE. You ALWAYS HAVE BEEN MALE, and you ALWAYS WILL BE MALE. Apparently there’s some human belief going around that YOU’RE A GIRL. You are NOT. This belief has started to make its way around the legendaries, and it’s KIND OF A SORE SUBJECT. You don’t even know how this thing started.

Obviously you’re a KEEN SWORDFIGHTER, the fact that you have to hold your blade’s hilt in your mouth notwithstanding. You’ve practiced a LOT. You’ve had some long periods of time when you haven’t actually been in posession of your SWORD, but that hasn’t dulled your skills. Where your true passion lies though is OLD FASHIONED DETECTIVE NOVELS, which you collect religiously. It goes without saying that your favourite story of all time is PROBLEM ‘FROU. Gritty hard-boiled private eyes in trench coats that are too big for them standing under a lonely street lamp in the rain. A phone rings, with some HYSTERICAL DAME pleading her case. The hunt is on.

You have attempted to replicate this on multiple occasions. Galar certainly isn’t short of rain. In fact it’s RAINING RIGHT NOW, quite heavily in fact. But the sad fact is nobody makes trench coats that fit big dogs, and you kind of can’t answer a phone without BITING THROUGH IT. You’ve got a STRONG JAW. Your sword was smithed to withstand it. Basically everything else was NOT. That’s why you’re really glad for this whole SYLLADEX thing. Only two things other than your sword have withstood your bite: ETERNATUS (because who knows what the fuck he’s made out of) and ZAMAZENTA.

You have kind of a COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP with Zamazenta. Well, you mean, KIND OF COMPLICATED. You mean, you care about him! You really do. He’s kind of a doofus, so after the two of you have been fighting side-by-side, you’re usually the one left to lick both of your wounds while he spaces out. Not that this bothers you. He’s pretty cute when he does that. Wait, did you say cute?! You meant to say, uh, you meant to say…

Uh…

Okay look you’re kind of head over tail in love with him but it’s complicated alright and you’re hopeless at this romance stuff and it’s not like it’s official you mean…

You’re kind of off-track here.

For the last several minutes you’ve been engaged in conversation with MEWTWO, re the subject of the problem with CALYREX. The problem with CALYREX is that he’s an asshole. He used to rule over Galar, and he’s got it in his head that means he rules over all of you as well. He is completely unpleasable and the only reason you’re able to sometimes use the Galar memo without being muted is because he’s sometimes not there. You’ve just got an answer though, and you’re about to report it to everybody who’s present in the backup memo (which, for reasons only known to the one who made it, is named the ETERNATUS TEA ZONE). Your Poképal handle is sleuthWolf, and -|===> you add little swords before your text because… well, it’s kind of self explanatory, isn’t it?

What will you do?

> Zacian: Report.

Zacian: -|===> K guys here’s what Mewtwo says.  
Yan: Fuckin finally  
Zacian: -|===> We’ve basically got two choices.  
Zacian: -|===> 1\. We do everything in this memo, without Calyrex.  
Zacian: -|===> This runs up against a number of problems, mostly because of the whole invitation thing.  
Zacian: -|===> And if Palkia forbid Calyrex somehow gets Eternatus to give him an invite, we’re going to get banned from here as well.  
Tyan: Eternatus wouldn’t be so idiotically stupid to do that.  
Yan: Ty sweetie  
Yan: STFU  
Zarude: 0000 Ty, try to remember we’re talking about Eternatus here. 0000  
Zarude: 0000 All Calyrex needs to do is feed him some Taurosshit line about it being the Galarian thing to do and he’ll fall for it hook, line and sinker. 0000  
Tyan: Call me sweetie again and I’m ripping your gizzard out.  
Zacian: -|===> Option two is the defeatist option but in the long run it may be more practical.  
Zacian: -|===> Which is to say, abandon hope of assembling a Team Galar in the first place and seek another team to join.  
Yan: Sweet that means I don’t need to stick around with you guys  
Yan: Im so outta here  
(Yan) ominousGaze [OG] fled the memo.  
Zacian:  
Zacian: -|===> I… guess we’re going with option two then.  
Tethera: I dunno, it’s not like we really need Mrs Enormous Cloaca to form a team.  
Zamazenta: <} Mrs?  
Zamazenta: <} Yan’s married now?  
Tyan: Yeah, married to her own ego.  
Zarude: 0000 //==3 (x.x)==3 0000  
(Zarude) monkeyBusiness [MB] fled the memo.  
Tethera: Okay so now Zarude’s gone and shot herself.  
Tethera: Nice.  
Tethera: Dibs on her stuff.  
Urshifu: is that what that was?  
Urshifu: how does she even come up with those emotes?  
Zacian: -|===> Guys.  
Tyan: I want that gun I’m gonna try and shoot Yan down with it.  
Zamazenta: <} How would you even fire it?  
Tyan: I’ll figure something out.  
Zacian: -|===> Guys!  
Tethera: Try and make it so she crashes into Calyrex on the way down.  
Tethera: Break two stones with one bird.  
Tyan: LOL  
Urshifu: i dont get it.  
Zacian: -|===> GUYS!  
Tyan: Can anyone hear something?  
Urshifu: uh  
Zamazenta: <} Yeah Zacian?  
Zacian: -|===> Look, if there’s not going to be a Team Galar, we should at least act intelligently about this.  
Zacian: -|===> Kanto, Johto and Kalos are going to have the least number of players.  
Tethera: Right so we want to avoid those regions at all costs.  
Zacian: -|===> No, the opposite.  
Zacian: -|===> Do you really think Mewtwo’s going to allow everybody to jump ship to an overpopulated region?  
Tyan: I think he’s not going to have any choice in the matter.  
Tyan: I’m going to Alola have fun bye.  
(Tyan) turboTrample [TT] fled the memo.  
Tethera: Joke’s on him, Alola sucks ass.  
Zacian: -|===> I think we should join Kanto.  
Tethera: Yes, that’s a great idea, let’s put me on a team with my older model.  
Urshifu: older model?  
Zamazenta: <} She means Moltres.  
Zamazenta: <} I mean, sure. I’ll go where you go, Zac.  
Urshifu: oh.  
Urshifu: same, then.  
Tethera: It’s not like we really need to decide right this second.  
Tethera: Hello, fourteen hour download.  
Tethera: Plus it’s also not like any of those are particularly good choices.  
Zacian: -|===> How so?  
Tethera: I mean Kanto’d probably be best ‘cause Mew is so angry it’s hilarious.  
Tethera: But it also means joining my cousins.  
Urshifu: cousins?  
Zacian: -|===> You’re not related to them.  
Zamazenta: <} She kind of is though?  
Zacian: -|===> The fact that she happens to be a Moltres as well is entirely coincidental.  
Zacian: -|===> It would be like grabbing a random Galarian-form Farfetch’d and telling them they’re related to a random Home Region-form Farfetch’d.  
Zamazenta: <} Neither of them are Farfetch’d though.  
Zacian: -|===> IT WAS A METAPHOR!  
Urshifu: wasnt that a simile?  
Zacian: -|===> WHATEVER  
Tethera: AS I WAS SAYING.  
Tethera: With Johto you get Ho-oh, who’s kind of an old fart, and Celebi, who’s an irritating pest.  
Zamazenta: <} Can’t disagree.  
Zacian: -|===> Okay you get that one.  
Tethera: Put me in Kalos with Yveltal?  
Tethera: Two red and black Dark/Flying birds?  
Tethera: We’d cause a singularity or something.  
(Eternatus) unabridgedTemerity [UT] joined the memo.  
Zacian: -|===> There you are, E.  
Zacian: -|===> Where have you been?  
Eternatus: Where I have been, Zacian, is absolutely none of your beeswax.  
Eternatus: Am I not allowed privacy now?  
Zamazenta: <} We were trying to talk to you for ages.  
Eternatus: And I happened to be busy.  
Eternatus: Poképal is a fantastically rude thing.  
Eternatus: SPEAK TO ME NOW SPEAK TO ME NOW SPEAK TO ME NOW  
Eternatus: Ahem.  
Zacian: -|===> …Anyway.  
Zacian: -|===> You should scroll up, Team Galar isn’t going to happen.  
Eternatus: I can see that.  
Eternatus: If you don’t mind, I will refrain from joining you in your attempt to join those in Kanto, though I will wish you well.  
Eternatus: I will try Kalos.  
Zamazenta: <} You just want to be on a team with Yveltal.  
Zacian: -|===> Zama shut up!  
Zamazenta: <} What?  
Tethera: I rest my case.  
Zacian: -|===> I mean, we couldn’t stop you if we wanted to, so…  
Eternatus: Thank you for being civilized about it.  
Eternatus: And speaking of being civil, Calyrex would like to apologize.  
Urshifu: he would?  
Eternatus: Yes. He tells me that his behaviour was unbecoming of him, and that his outburst was immature.  
Zamazenta: <} Oh well that’s nice.  
Urshifu: huh.  
Urshifu: i guess he can be a nice guy sometimes.  
Zacian: -|===> I don’t see why he co  
Zacian: -|===> No.  
Zacian: -|===> E please don’t tell me you gave him an invite so he could apologize in person.  
Eternatus: And why shouldn’t I have?  
Zacian: -|===> I dunno, because we’re already in the main Galar memo with him?!  
Zacian: -|===> He could have just unmuted us!  
Eternatus: Oh.  
Zacian: -|===> Okay. We can salvage this. At least he won’t have moderator powers here.  
Eternatus: Oh dear.  
(Calyrex) mistyGreensward [MG] joined the memo.  
(Calyrex) mistyGreensward [MG] was automatically assigned the ‘moderator’ role.  
Tethera: YOU’RE A GULLIBLE MORON, ETERNATUS!  
You have been banned from the ETERNATUS TEA ZONE memo by (Calyrex) mistyGreensward [MG]. (Reason: )

> Zacian: Facepaw x2 combo.  
Argh!

You’re pretty sure that Eternatus set up the memo to automatically mod Calyrex whenever he made it in the first place. He’s such an idiot. But then what could you expect from a monstrous skeleton dragon from space who inexplicably decided to be as upper class as possible?

“Arceus, what fools these dragons be!” - Hoenn League Champion, Steven Stone.

Yes. You’re absolutely sure he said that.

You’re feeling pretty pent up right now, so you’re going to do what you usually do when you get stressed: swing your sword about. You equip it from your BATTLEDEX SPECIBUS. Everybody has a BATTLEDEX SPECIBUS, even if it mostly goes unused due to preference for natural abilities. Your KNIGHT’S SWORD however doesn’t count as ‘natural’ so you have to keep it in there under the BLADEKIND ABSTRATUS. On the plus side, this means that as long as you have the captchalogue cards for it you can carry as many swords as you feel you need. You don’t really feel the need to carry more than your own, though. Yours is enough for whenever things get too hot to handle. Which is most of the time.

Normally you’d go outside and attack a tree or something to take out your frustrations. However, as mentioned previously, it is RAINING, and the FOG is pretty thick to boot. Humans constantly complain about wet dog smells. They don’t consider that it smells worse to you. So you’re going to stay inside. You will, however, make sure first that you’re not going to hit anything while you’re swinging. Sword safety is everybody’s business.

Stupid! Eternatus! Stupid! Calyrex! Making! This! Harder! For! EveryWHOOPS

In a momentary lapse of concentration you lose your grip on your sword and it goes flying out the window.

> Zacian: Look out window.  
Yeah… you can barely see a metre outside. Your sword is nowhere to be seen. You’re not getting that back for a while. At the very least you can feel it’s still close; it hasn’t flown far enough to remove your CROWNED FORME. This would be more comforting if you didn’t know the maximum range for that is about forty metres.

You probably shouldn’t mention this to anybody. Especially Zamazenta. If he knew you were swordless he’d tease you for ages.

Oh. Speaking of. There’s a familiar scent in the area. He must’ve started heading over as soon as he got banned from the memo—

ZAMAZENTA has arrived. He’s not in his own Crowned Forme so he probably left his shield at home. Probably for the best; he gets stuck in a lot of doors otherwise.

ZACIAN: Oh, hey Zama. What brings you over?  
ZAMAZENTA: I had an accident.  
ZACIAN: What?  
ZAMAZENTA: I… may have broken my computer.  
ZACIAN: …How?  
ZAMAZENTA: Well Calyrex banned us and then I guess I roared and it fell over backwards and smashed.  
ZACIAN: Great. …Was it just the part with the screen?  
ZAMAZENTA: Yeah?  
ZACIAN: You didn’t break your computer, you just broke your monitor.  
ZAMAZENTA: What’s the difference?  
ZACIAN: …Not big enough to make a fuss over. I’ve got spares, I’ll give you one of mine.  
ZAMAZENTA: Oh thanks!  
ZACIAN: At least if your computer didn’t turn off the download’ll still be— hey, are you okay?  
ZAMAZENTA: Huh? Well, I mean, I broke my computer—  
ZACIAN: Yeah and you’re bleeding all over my floor.  
ZAMAZENTA: Oh. I wondered what that was.  
ZACIAN: …Did you step on your smashed monitor?  
ZAMAZENTA: Dunno. It broke, I panicked a little bit, then I just ran here. Why?  
ZACIAN: You’ve got glass in your paw, you dope. Hold still.

This would be more concerning if he wasn’t doing stuff like this ALL THE TIME. You’d swear he has the OBLIVIOUS ability or something.

Once you’re done with this you should probably head to the Kanto memo right away. Urshifu is likely to be waiting for you. Tethera… you’re not sure what she’s going to do. She’s a wildcard at the best of times. Yan and Tyan have washed their talons of you completely and that’s fine, that’s their decision. Eternatus can be left to do what Eternatus does, Zarude will quietly find a team of her own, and Calyrex can stew. That just leaves two and a bit of Galar’s members unaccounted for.

Really you’re not sure about REGIELEKI and REGIDRAGO either. You guess you can let REGIGIGAS deal with them? That’s what he normally does. The BIT refers to MELMETAL, who kind of doesn’t belong to any one region, considering that the MELTAN they evolved from suddenly popped up across the globe simultaneously. They kind of got lumped in with Galar afterwards for some reason.

You should actually contact them first, make sure they’ve got a plan in mind.

ZACIAN: There. Now sit down and don’t run on it for a little while.  
ZAMAZENTA: How long’s a little while?  
ZACIAN: Probably about half an hour, it wasn’t big. Then I’ll set you up with a monitor to take back. You use the Silicobras and Ladders modus, right?  
ZAMAZENTA: Yeah, that’s the one. I keep meaning to get a new one.  
ZACIAN: K. In the meantime I’m gonna check in with Melmetal and then head to the Kanto memo.  
ZAMAZENTA: Cool. I’m gonna rummage through your books.

> Zacian: Contact Melmetal.

sleuthWolf [SW] began pestering bevelledMetamorph [BM] at 03:02PM.  
SW: -|===> You there, Melmetal?  
BM: we’re here  
SW: -|===> Good. I just wanted to make sure you were okay regarding Mewtwo’s game, the one he sent about an hour ago.  
SW: -|===> Team Galar isn’t happening so we’re joining other teams.  
SW: -|===> Zamazenta and I are going to try and join Kanto.  
BM: don’t worry about us!  
BM: we’re in alola with silvally!  
BM: she’s really nice!  
BM: and we’re not using the wrong pronouns anymore!  
SW: -|===> That’s good to hear.  
SW: -|===> …wait. Isn’t it like the middle of the night there?  
BM: yeah it’s 4am  
BM: she’s asleep right now  
BM: but we couldn’t sleep so we’re just kinda watching stuff  
BM: talking to tapu fini about the game  
BM: she can’t sleep either  
SW: -|===> I guess there’s not really any time Mewtwo could have sent it that works for everyone.  
SW: -|===> Hold on. If you’re in Alola at Silvally’s place, how are you downloading the game?  
BM: regieleki taught us how to do it remotely  
BM: we’re getting a plane back to galar a bit later  
SW: -|===> How are you going to ride a plane?  
BM: very carefully  
SW: -|===> …okay.  
SW: -|===> I thought I’d better check, be safe rather than sorry.  
SW: -|===> You have any problems let me know.  
BM: sure thing!  
sleuthWolf [SW] stopped pestering bevelledMetamorph [BM] at 03:07PM.

Well, at least somebody seems to have a plan. It occurs to you after the fact that they didn’t actually say they were going to be on Team Alola, but it’s not worth it pestering them again. You’ll just have to find out later.

A quick glance over at Zamazenta reveals he’s nose deep into one of your graphic novels, staying out of trouble. Good good. It’s not that you don’t trust him - of course you trust him! - but as he’s already proven once today he is a complete doofus and it’s always worth keeping an eye on him to make sure he hasn’t gotten himself into trouble. And even uncrowned he’s not bad on the eyes either.

Wait fuck what were you just thinking? You shake your head to snap out of it then head for the Kanto memo. Urshifu will be waiting for you.

> [Resume Sequence V: UNOVA] ======>  


> Enter name.  
Your name is KELDEO. You are, in no particular order, a SWORD OF JUSTICE-IN-TRAINING, an ASPIRING AMATEUR ARTIST, and an ORPHAN. You put a lot of focus into the first two so you don’t have to think about the third. Really if you’re honest with yourself even the art takes a back seat so you can concentrate on your TRAINING, which lately has mostly revolved around running errands for the other Swords, COBALION, VIRIZION and TERRAKION. You totally get why it’s necessary, though.

Being a SWORD OF JUSTICE is HARD. You’ve got to give it a lot! Cobalion says you have to give it EVERYTHING. You have to be willing to drop EVERYTHING at a moment’s notice to provide weaker Pokémon aid. THE SWORDS OF JUSTICE HELP THOSE WHO CANNOT HELP THEMSELVES. WOW. Your mentors are SO COOL. Evidently humans think so too because they’ve made POSTERS featuring them, which you eagerly obtained and nailed to your wall. You hope one day to reach the point where they’re making posters of you too.

Unlike many other legendaries, you like to MAINTAIN A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP with the humans. You don’t get too attached because that’s how problems start and you’ve seen how that works, but you took pointers from the ALOLAN ISLAND GUARDIANS. While you haven’t done so much to the point where people are worshipping you - you haven’t been around for nearly that long and you wouldn’t even want that! - you make sure that you give humans in need as much help as you would Pokémon in need. You’re surprised that most legendaries don’t do this because people just… GIVE YOU STUFF. Like power, and an Internet connection!

But when you’re not doing that, you really like TRAVELLING AROUND, mainly to RIVERS and BEACHES, and just APPRECIATING THE SIGHTS. That’s why you’re so interested in ART - you see all these BEAUTIFUL SIGHTS and you can’t help but want to SHARE THEM.

You’re kind of at a loss for what to do at the moment, since hardly anybody from Unova wants to play this game of Mewtwo’s. You’ve been ‘shopping around’ as Victini puts it for a team to join - but you’ve just had two bad experiences in a row and you’re kind of at a low point. Your home - which is INSIDE OF A HILL - is somewhat of a comfort to you but it’s hard to deal with being insulted sometimes.

Your Poképal handle is surfeitObjection, which constantly reminds you of something Virizion once taught you - you should never blindly accept something without questioning it. Everything you learn from the Swords you make sure you know _why_ you’re learning it.

What will you do?

> Keldeo: Update Meloetta.  
You know that she’s found a team at least - you just left her in the Kanto memo, along with the surprise addition of Zacian. Unfortunately Mew was in an aggressive mood and chased you out. There was an implication that she did the same to Urshifu a little bit earlier as well.

surfeitObjection [SO] began pestering octetMelody [OM] at 10:19AM.  
SO: that could’ve gone better…  
OM: I wouldn’t take it to heart~  
SO: honestly if mew’s leading the team i don’t think i’d want to be on it anyway.  
SO: i don’t think i could stand being belittled all the time.  
OM: You are definitely justified~  
OM: If I felt I had a better chance elsewhere I would leave it too~  
OM: Where are you going to try next~?  
SO: hoenn.  
OM: Best of luck~  
OM: And remember~  
OM: Any team that passes you up is going to regret it later~  
SO: haha, thanks.

Good old Meloetta. She knows you have low self-esteem sometimes and she knows exactly what to say to help you bounce back.

So, your next destination is the Hoenn memo. You’ve tried three regions so far; aside from Kanto, you got chased out of Alola as well, and nobody from Kalos is answering your messages. They must all be really busy with the game over there.

Alright, time to— hey!

THUNDURUS is here.

THUNDURUS: hey kelds im gonna crash here for a while is that ok  
KELDEO: uh  
KELDEO: why?  
THUNDURUS: no reason  
THUNDURUS: just if landy messages you tell him you havent seen me

Thundurus grabs an old issue of GAMEBOY MAGAZINE and flops down into a beanbag.

KELDEO: uh  
KELDEO: i guess so.  
THUNDURUS: cheers  
THUNDURUS: any luck with game stuff  
KELDEO: not really.  
KELDEO: i was just about to try hoenn.  
THUNDURUS: lemme know how it turns out  
THUNDURUS: cause you know were always up for fun stuff  
THUNDURUS: me and my bro i mean  
THUNDURUS: even if kyurem says no we can just stick it to him  
KELDEO: uh, okay.

That’s remarkably refreshing behavior for Thundurus. Last time he visited he just dumped a storm over the place and flew away.

> Keldeo: Join Hoenn memo.  
Yes, it’s about time you got on with this. Even though your download is still several hours from completion, you don’t want to leave worrying about which team you’re joining until the last minute. Procrastination is nobody’s friend.

surfeitObjection [SO] joined memo A VOLCANO UP KYOGRE’S ASS on board HOENN ALONE 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO.  
> This is Hoenn, what else were you expecting? There are currently [4] members and [1] guest present.  
> we have rayquaza. don’t break the rules.  
> Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
> Local time is 11:29PM.  
> Present moderators: skylineCrash [SC], poryBot [PB]  
> Present members: tenaciousNova [TN], nestedTempo [NT], tsunamiBeluga [TB]  
> Present guests: notaryMemento [NM]  
> Your current username setting is: [SHORT]. Type /names long or /names real to change this.  
> MOTD: sorry kyogre but that’s the name of this memo and i’m not changing it. -TN

tenaciousNova [TN] fled the memo.  
nestedTempo [NT] fled the memo.  
[MOD] SC: FOR FUCK’S SAKE!  
SO: um.  
SO: bad time?  
NM: Latias And Latios Have Fallen Out .  
NM: Again .  
NM: What Brings Keldeo To Hoenn ?  
SO: team searching i guess.  
NM: You Are Not Planning With Team Unova ?  
SO: wish i was.  
SO: team unova sort of doesn’t exist?  
SO: it’s really only me, meloetta, victini and the forces of nature who want to play.  
SO: the swords are all busy, the dragons aren’t talking to us, and i think genesect’s helping mewtwo actually run the game.  
NM: I See Your Problem.  
SO: so we’re kind of looking at other regions.  
SO: i don’t really know what the forces are doing but everybody wants victini, meloetta just joined kanto, and…  
NM: You Have Yet To Find A Team .  
SO: yeah.  
[MOD] SC: Welcome to dysfunction junction.  
[MOD] SC: You could probably join if you wanted to but I’m warning you right now it’s messy.  
[MOD] SC: Very messy.  
[MOD] SC: You don’t know the half of it.  
[MOD] SC: As you can see, most of us aren’t in the memo any more.  
[MOD] SC: Groudon decided it was his turn to be childish and threw a tantrum when he learned Kyogre was also invited.  
TB: ~~~What an actor  
[MOD] SC: That scared Jirachi out of the memo.  
[MOD] SC: The Regis then left, citing instructions from Regigigas.  
[MOD] SC: Then Deoxys left, claiming it was also helping Mewtwo.  
[MOD] SC: And finally, Latias and Latios threw hissy fits over who was going to be team leader.  
[MOD] SC: Which was pointless anyway because that’s going to be me.  
SO: wow.  
NM: I Joined Halfway Through To Expedite Organization .  
NM: I Have Failed In My Task.  
SO: i suppose everyone in sinnoh is working together like a well-oiled machine.  
NM: I Would Not Go That Far .  
NM: There Is The Expected Animosity Between Cresselia And Darkrai .  
NM: Azelf Is Confident They Will Resolve Their Issues .  
[MOD] SC: Meanwhile we’re over here running like a well-oiled Grumpig on a treadmill.  
TB: ~~~I really dont know what all the fuss is about  
[MOD] SC: Shut it.  
SO: wow uh  
[MOD] SC: Like I said, you’re welcome, but personally I wouldn’t.  
NM: Why Not Join Meloetta In Team Kanto ?  
SO: already tried.  
SO: you see…  
SO: mew and i, uh  
SO: we don’t really get along.  
SO: at all.  
NM: Surely She Isn’t That Bad .  
SO: she told me to run home to cobalion and get my diaper changed.  
SO: she hates me.  
NM: Hmmm .  
NM: Alola ?  
SO: tried them too.  
SO: most of them are asleep and zeraora threatened to kill me.  
SO: i also tried kalos but nobody’s answering me.  
[MOD] SC: Weird.  
[MOD] SC: Normally we have trouble getting Hoopa to shut up.  
NM: Problematic .  
NM: Mesprit Reported A Similar Problem Earlier And Went To Investigate .  
NM: They Have Not Reported In Since .  
NM: Nor Do They Appear To Be Online Any More .  
SO: so it’s either here, sinnoh, or johto.  
NM: If Hoenn Does Not Work Out For You Sinnoh Would Likely Be Your Best Bet .  
NM: Probably .  
NM: We Already Have A Lot Of Members As It Is .  
[MOD] SC: Not Galar?  
SO: apparently team galar isn’t a thing.  
SO: i saw zacian join kanto as well but i don’t know what everybody else is doing.  
NM: I Can Confirm .  
NM: I Am In Contact With Urshifu Who For The Moment Is In The Johto Memo .  
[MOD] SC: And anywhere’s better than Johto.  
[MOD] SC: Okay.  
[MOD] SC: Because I’m apparently the only team leader who’s sane, I’m going to make an executive decision here.  
[MOD] SC: I’m going to further open that welcome to you, Keldeo, but increase that warning that we’re likely to fall apart at less than a moment’s notice.  
[MOD] SC: I’m going to try to get these idiots organized with Uxie’s help but it’s going to be a tall order.  
NM: Yes .  
TB: ~~~I’m offended  
[MOD] SC: Kyogre, S H U T.  
[MOD] SC: Just so you’re aware that Team Hoenn might also find itself a nonentity before it really gets going.  
SO: that’s okay i guess.  
SO: i mean it’s a chance to play rather than none at all.  
[MOD] SC: Yeah.  
SO: maybe the forces can make their own team?  
NM: Hmm .  
NM: Mewtwo Did Say Split By Region But Nothing About Other Groupings .  
NM: And We Still Do Not Know Why Teams Are Required .  
[MOD] SC: I do.  
SO: wait really?  
[MOD] SC: Because organizing 76 of us without any sort of division is going to be absolutely impossible.  
[MOD] SC: Hoenn counts nine and we can’t even manage that.  
NM: You Have A Point .  
NM: Regional Boundaries Make The Most Sense Even If It Does Leave The Teams A Little Unbalanced .  
NM: Kanto’s Six Versus Alola’s Thirteen .  
SO: wasn’t that a movie?

Before you can get an answer to your question YOUR COMPUTER SHUTS OFF. As do the lights. It appears you have just LOST POWER.

> Keldeo: Scold Thundurus.  
You would, except he looks as startled as you are. He hasn’t budged from that beanbag since he arrived (though he has still somehow managed to eat all your chips). He immediately protests his innocence, and for once, you believe him. He asks how do you get your power. You say you have a cable connection out the back. He tells you to hold on a minute and goes outside. Moments later the lights come back on. He’s being very helpful today!

Suspiciously so in fact.

> Keldeo: Reconnect to Hoenn memo.  
Oh, it’s going to have interrupted your download too… you hope you can resume it without any issues.

…You seem to have NO INTERNET CONNECTION.

Thundurus flies back in and tells you that the nearby CITY has lost power too, and that his MOBILE DEVICE has NO SATELLITE SIGNAL. Courtesy of the weird technology stuff that Mewtwo’s done with it his device can still directly contact Tornadus and Landorus, but he has no access to any sort of Poképal service.

You are CUT OFF.

A couple of minutes of frantic texting from Thundurus and he relays from the other Forces that it’s not just your area - the entire REGION appears to be without power, let alone Internet. This is very much not a good thing! And worrying about the game’s only the tip of the iceberg - a sudden lack of power is going to cause trouble all over the place! You really wish you had your own MOBILE DEVICE with which to contact the Swords of Justice. You know that Mewtwo also set them up with their own HEADSETS so they can easily communicate with each other, but you’re not allowed to have one until you complete your training.

It’s safe to say that since Mewtwo joined the legendary community inter-Pokémon communication has been revolutionized.

For the moment it would probably be a good idea if you didn’t let Thundurus wander off. Some connection is better than no connection. You tell him this. He considers it before agreeing with you. He says harassing people isn’t fun if they can’t bounce straight back. You’re not sure how you feel about that statement but you’ll let it slide. He pauses and asks if you have Meloetta’s number. You say no. He says crap.

Now that you think about it, Meloetta might still have power. That weird tower she lives in always seemed to be somewhat… disconnected from the rest of the region. She said something about it generating its own power and its own wireless signal. She might not even be aware that everyone else is cut off, if she doesn’t try to contact you. It might take a few hours for you to get there but you’d rather make the journey, and find out that power’s back when you get there, rather than remain and sit in what amounts to darkness for longer than it would have taken to move.

There is a problem with that plan though. Much as he seems to be being well-behaved at the moment, you’d rather not leave Thundurus in your home by himself for several hours. Judging from the fact that the beanbag is surrouned by more chip packets than you thought you had he may very well eat you out of house and home before you even reach Meloetta. You guess it goes with the whole not letting him wander off thing. Either you’re both going, or you’re not going at all.

What would the Swords of Justice do?

> Keldeo: Make a decision.  
Okay. It’s time to be proactive here. The Swords don’t wait for problems to come to them, they seek out the problems and hopefully stop them before they happen. It’s far too late to stop the power going or anything - neither of you are Celebi or Dialga - but maybe you can establish some lines of communication. Sideline the game for the moment. This is a REAL event, and securing a means of communication is what you should be doing regardless of the situation immediately before.

KELDEO: we should head to meloetta’s tower.  
THUNDURUS: huh  
THUNDURUS: whys that  
KELDEO: last time i visited her she said something about the tower having its own power supply and network link.  
KELDEO: if that’s still working, maybe we could get in contact with everyone else there.  
KELDEO: and at least we could let the others know that we’re okay.  
THUNDURUS: whyd we not be okay  
THUNDURUS: were okay  
KELDEO: well  
KELDEO i’m just remembering what happened that time when giratina took everything down to fix stuff.  
THUNDURUS: what  
THUNDURUS: i dont remember th  
THUNDURUS: ohh  
THUNDURUS: right that  
THUNDURUS: tbh i forgot about that  
KELDEO: did you just say ‘tbh’ out loud?  
THUNDURUS: well its not like were completely out of contact  
THUNDURUS: i can still talk to bro and landy  
KELDEO: but can they talk to any of the others?  
THUNDURUS: eh probably not  
KELDEO: even if she’s not got any outside access…  
KELDEO: i think meloetta has victini and reshiram’s numbers.  
THUNDURUS: resh has a phone  
THUNDURUS: i didnt know that  
THUNDURUS: okay yeah we gotta go i need that number  
KELDEO: why?  
THUNDURUS: reasons  
KELDEO: well…  
KELDEO: i’m glad you agree. i didn’t want to leave you here on your own.  
THUNDURUS: aww  
THUNDURUS: im touched  
KELDEO: actually i wasn’t concerned about you, i just really didn’t like the idea of leaving you in my house…  
THUNDURUS: o u c h  
KELDEO: sorry, but you’ve kinda eaten most of my snacks already.  
THUNDURUS: point taken lol  
KELDEO: why are you saying chat abbreviations?  
THUNDURUS: mels might not be pleased to see me tho  
THUNDURUS: lettin you know in advance  
KELDEO: well, you do have a habit of dropping storms on us and flying away.  
THUNDURUS: i dont hear you complaining  
KELDEO: i’m a water-type. i *like* storms.  
THUNDURUS: oh yeah  
KELDEO: i’ll just set up a thing and then we can go.

Quickly you set up your Poképal account to autorespond to any messages that happen to come in. That way, if the network does come back while you’re on the way, anyone who tries to contact you will know where you’ve gone. There. That should do the trick. You’ll have to thank Virizion again later for showing you how to do that. You also grab a NOTEBOOK and a PENCIL (you’ve gotten fairly good at mouth-writing now without SWALLOWING ANY OF THE ERASER) and stash them in your SYLLADEX via your FRIENDSHIP FETCH MODUS.

The FRIENDSHIP modus is a bit of a pain, more so when you’re alone, even though the premise is fairly simple. The modus activates a new card whenever you make a new close friend, and then items can only be retrieved from what card while you’re in that friend’s company. Day-to-day you don’t tend to use it much. On this occasion though it’s much easier to just put the NOTEBOOK and PENCIL onto MELOETTA’S CAPTCHALOGUE CARD, since you know you’ll be seeing her. (Unless she’s not actually there any more, but you’ll cross that bridge when you get to it.) It also works if you happen to be in a long distance conversation with them, though it’s a stickler for what counts as a ‘conversation’ so messaging someone just to access their card doesn’t work.

You have a fair few cards at your disposal, some of which are already occupied. The three cards for the SWORDS OF JUSTICE, for example, contain your training gear. VICTINI’s card holds some LIECHI BERRIES you’ve been saving for them, since he absolutely loves their spiciness. There are some more cards you have for various other friends, but you won’t bother listing them all because you haven’t got time. It is however worth noting that Thundurus is not one of them.

Depending on how this trip goes though that could change! That’s the great thing about the Friendship Modus. It’s always encouraging you to make new friends.

> Keldeo: Head for Meloetta’s place.  
You’re all set. There’s no sign that the Internet signal’s going to come back any time soon. It’s time to go.

As is typical for him Thundurus takes off like a rocket. You follow at a slightly more moderate pace. You know he’s going to run out of steam eventually. You’re going to be running for a few hours; there’s no point in wasting all of your energy in the first five hundred yards.

> [Begin Sequence III: HOENN] ====-@@>  


> Enter name.  
Your name is REGICE. You are LEGENDARY TITAN NO. 2, GOLEM OF ICE, and, unfortunately, VICTIM OF AUTOCORRECT. When you were programmed by REGIGIGAS, the typographical system he was using to code you refused to parse a DOUBLE I. You should have been REGIICE. But NO.

Your particular HARDWARE runs on a vast number of INTERCHANGEABLE PERSONALITIES. During physical operations this means little since all of them have the same operational capabilities. Switching them however drastically alters your TEMPERAMENT, BEHAVIOR, and MANNER OF SPEAKING. For the last several minutes you’ve been bouncing back and forth between ANNOYED (this is your default personality when interacting with the OTHER REGI) and RESIGNED (this is your default personality AFTER interacting with the other Regi). The impending game is of course necessitating lots of interaction with them, hence the flip-flopping. Changing between settings happens on the fly and most of the time you’re barely aware it’s happening.

Some say that you and your fellow Regi are mindless automatons. That isn’t true in the slightest. During your creation Regigigas went out of his way to ensure that all five of you could think and operate for yourselves, even if he can override you if you start becoming too UNRULY. Which, given the quality of your coding *ahem* happens A LOT OF THE TIME. Recently he has encouraged all of you to take up HOBBIES. You feel like you are the only one succeeding at your choice, which is KNITTING. You don’t really know how you’re doing it with your thick ice fingers but you’re not going to question it. Of course, by SUCCEEDING, you mean you have created ONE (1) NOVELTY EASTER SWEATER, which you are currently WEARING. You are wearing it because it has frozen to your body and you CANNOT TAKE IT OFF.

But at least it is more successful than the others. REGIROCK misinterpreted the command and attempted to take up EVERY SINGLE HOBBY IN EXISTENCE. REGISTEEL picked MATCHSTICK MODELLING, and immediately crushed any matchstick it attempted to pick up. REGIELEKI just spouted the dictionary definition of ‘HOBBY’ over and over again before overheating, while REGIDRAGO… yeah, you’re not gonna go there.

On the side you also enjoy CODING, since it is what makes up the majority of your own programming. You are slightly more qualified at CODING than you are KNITTING, though because of the nature of said programming, you cannot fix any problems that arise in yourself or your fellows. Only Regigigas can do that. And he’s… not quick on the uptake. At all.

Suffice to say you have a strained relationship with the other Regi. Referring to them is awkward as well. None of you have any gender to speak of, but Regigigas uses he/him, Regirock and Regieleki use they/them, you and Registeel use it/them, and Regidrago… yeah, you’re not gonna go there either.

As it’s been quite some time since Mewtwo’s announcement, planning for the game has already passed. Regigigas has suggested… well, ordered, really, all five of you to participate on TEAM HOENN. Truth be told you and the other two Hoenn Regi don’t interact that much with the other legendaries from your own region, because there’s just not that much crossover. Rayquaza has you help him out with tasks sometimes, and it’s all hands (or claws or whatever) on deck whenever Groudon and Kyogre start causing issues, but you otherwise tend to keep to yourselves. That’s the main reason why you’re no longer in the main Hoenn memo. That, and… other reasons. Other reasons meaning the Regimemo, where the game discussion has finished and you’ve all moved on to other topics.

Your Poképal handle is glacierNinepin, and ####self-explanatory_You preface all of your text with your active personality core.

What will you do?

> Regice: Check in on Regimemo.  
Describing Regimemo is difficult. Certainly if anybody else were to gain access to it they’d generally have no idea what the hell you were all talking about. Your conversations with other Pokémon indicate that they believe it’s incredibly efficient and that you all know exactly what you’re doing at all times.

You don’t. You really, really don’t.

regiRock_nominalGneiss: >print: Y O U R _ T R I A L _ P E R I O D _ H A S _ E X P I R E D  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####resigned_Here we go again.  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####resigned_Isn't running out of trial period Drago's job?  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: I RESENT THA  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: >print: R U N T I M E _ E R R O R  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####resigned_And in three, two, one…  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: T REMARK()  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: ACCESS UNIT REGIROCK.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: OVERRIDE 0X000283.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: EXECUTE(RESTART)  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: >command level override auth master unit  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: >unit restarting  
nominalGneiss [NG] fled the memo.  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: { "dialogue": [  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "My third core is acting most peculiarly.",  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "It appears to be giving an",  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "Out of cheese error?" ] },  
regiEleki_overClocker: [Cheese is a dairy product, derived from milk and produced…] [W]  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####annoyed_We know what cheese is!  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####annoyed_Stop quoting Wikipedia!  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: PROCESSING…  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: PROCESSING…  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: PROCESSING…  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: WHAT KIND OF CHEESE?  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: { "dialogue": [  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "Feta." ] },  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####petulant_I don't like Feta cheese.  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: { "dialogue": [  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "I hardly think what type of cheese it is actually matters.",  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "Especially considering none of us can ingest it in the first place.",  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "I have shut down core no. 3 and submitted a bug report." ] },  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: FEEL LUCKY YOU CAN DO THAT()  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: IF I TRY TO SEND A BUG REPORT THIS HAPPENS()  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiEleki_overClocker: We didn't need a [bleep.wav]ing demonstration!  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiGigas: PROCESSING BUG REPORT #8392 UNIT REGISTEEL.  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: I RESENT THAT REMARK()  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: UNIT CRASH  
codeOscillation [CO] fled the memo.  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: { "dialogue": [  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "And there they go." ] }  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####smartass_Steel?  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: { "dialogue": [  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "Yes, Unit-Regice?" ] },  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####smartass_How many cores do you have again?  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: { "dialogue": [  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "Fourteen." ] }  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####smartass_And how many are you running on now?  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: { "dialogue": [  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "One and a half." ] },  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####smartass_Can you afford to be shutting cores down now?  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: ACCESS UNIT REGICE.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: OVERRIDE 0X001982.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: DISABLE PERSONALITY SETTING "SMARTASS".  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####access_command level override auth master unit  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####access_smartass personality setting disabled  
regiEleki_overClocker: Hands up who saw that coming.  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: { "dialogue": [  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "You don't even have hands." ] }  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####terrified_Apologies, Regigigas.  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####insincere_It won't happen again.  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####sudden-realization_WHOOPS  
codeOscillation [CO] joined the memo.  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: WAS I SAYING SOMETHING()  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: { "dialogue": [  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "Is Creator-Regigigas going to shut down all of your personality settings?",  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "I hope not.",  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "Your backup personalities are awful." ] },  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####lame-retort_Your backup personalities are awful!  
regiEleki_overClocker: [Eat a Rawst Berry to cure the burn.]  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: HOW WAS THAT A B  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: { "dialogue": [  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "I have only one personality.",  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "It just happens to be split across one and a half",  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "One core.",  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: "Creator-Regigigas, I require urgent maintenance." ] },  
nominalGneiss [NG] joined the memo.  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: URN()  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: PROCESSING…  
regiEleki_overClocker: [urn - n. 1 a tall vase with a stem and base, especially one…] [D]  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####annoyed_We know what urns are too!  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: WHAT DO URNS HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING()  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: >print: R E S T A R T _ C O M P L E T E  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: >print: U N I T _ R E G I R O C K _ O N L I N E  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: PROCESSING…  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: PROCESSING…  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####incredulous_Am I really going to be the only one of us who isn’t going to crash tonight?!  
regiEleki_overClocker: If *somebody* had just thought to make sure we got regular maintenance instead of just leaving it until there was a problem…  
regiEleki_overClocker: Then *maybe* we wouldn’t all break down at once on a day when functioning correctly is incredibly important!  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####pointing-out-a-glaring-hole-in-your-logic_Weren’t you sealed in a temple for hundreds of years?  
regiEleki_overClocker: That’s no excuse!  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: I WAS TOO()  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: >print: U N I T _ R E G I D R A G O  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: WHAT()  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: >print: Y O U _ H A V E _ 3 _ N E W _ M E S S A G E S  
regiEleki_overClocker: [procrastinate - v. delay or postpone action.] [D]  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: core #9 overloaded  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: error  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: error  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: this unit has encountered a fatal error and must be closed  
regiEleki_overClocker: [disappointed_trombone.wav]  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: ARE WE REALLY GOING TO DO THIS NOW ROCK()  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####resigned_Well, there it is.  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: push to disarm  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: please press dog  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####confused_What?  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: >print: Y O U _ H A V E _ M E S S A G E S  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: >print: T H E Y ‘ R E _ N O T _ G O I N G _ A N Y W H E R E  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: WHY DO YOU HAVE MESS  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: ACCESS(ALL) EXECUTE(SUSPEND)  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: activity suspended  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: activity suspended  
regiEleki_overClocker: activity suspended  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: suspension failed  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: ACCESS UNIT REGISTEEL.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: OVERRIDE 0X000012.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: EXECUTE(ENABLE-BROADCAST-BEACON)  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: EXECUTE(EMERGENCY-SHUTDOWN)  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: command level override auth master unit  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: broadcast beacon enabled  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: shutting down  
regiSteel_galvanizedGubbins: ] }  
galvanizedGubbins [GG] fled the memo.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: ACCESS UNIT REGIROCK.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: END SUSPENSION.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: UNIT REGIROCK.  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: >print: Y E S _ C R E A T O R  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: PROCEED TO GRID REF. 8289-0018HN.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: RETRIEVE UNIT REGISTEEL.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: TRANSPORT IT TO GRID REF. 8281-0001HN.  
regiRock_nominalGneiss: >print: A T _ O N C E  
nominalGneiss [NG] fled the memo.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: ACCESS UNIT REGICE.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: END SUSPENSION.  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####drunk_Everything’s spinning.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: UNIT REGICE.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: ON ARRIVAL OF UNITS REGIROCK AND REGISTEEL PROCEED WITH MAINTENANCE PATTERN CF ON UNIT REGISTEEL.  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####clarification-requested_Maintenance pattern CF requires redefinition.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: ICE PUNCH TO THE FACE.  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####sudden-realization_Oh.  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####sudden-elation_By all means.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: ACCESS UNIT REGIELEKI.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: END SUSPENSION.  
regiEleki_overClocker: This is going to hurt.  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####confused_What is?  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: ACCESS UNIT REGIDRAGO.  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: END SUSPENSION.  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiEleki_overClocker: Regigigas never finished programming Drago with the suspension function.  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####resigned_Oh dear.  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiDrago_codeOscillation:  
regiGigas_biologicalComputer: OH SHIT.  
regiCe_glacierNinepin: ####resigned_And in three, two, one…  
regiDrago_codeOscillation: AGES FOR ME  
codeOscillation [CO]’s computer exploded.  
overClocker [OC]’s computer exploded.

Regidrago hasn’t actually exploded. It’s fine. They’re both fine. That happens a lot.

It’s common belief that Regigigas stopped building Regidrago when he ran out of dragon essence. Unlike a lot of rumors that fly round about legendary Pokémon it happens to be completely true. What isn’t well-known, however - at least to anybody who hasn’t yet met Regidrago - is that Regigigas never finished coding Drago either. Honestly it’s a miracle that Drago even functions at all.

> Regice: Examine location.  
This is your TEMPLE. Actually if you’re being ####_pedantic, it’s one of Hoenn’s TITAN MAINTENANCE FACILITIES. The region has three, where you, Regirock, and Registeel all spend most of your time. You each have a second one in GALAR, which is also where Regieleki and Regidrago share theirs. You used to get very ####_aggravated when people referred to your living places as TEMPLES. Temples imply worship, and the thought of people worshipping you is absurd. Once, all six of you got together to decide once and for all on a short word to use so nobody would be forced to say the same nine-syllable name over and over again.

You decided on the word TEMPLE.

Yeah, nobody said you were particularly smart.

Because this is YOUR maintenance facility, the temperature is sub-zero. Everything is frozen solid. Of course you can still interact with everything. A maintenance facility that doesn’t work IS A RATHER PISS-POOR EXCUSE FOR A MAINTENANCE FACILITY IF YOU ASK YOU. Regigigas has instructed you to await the arrival of Rock and Steel, the latter of which you will soon be, rather cathartically, punching in the face. They should arrive soon. Rock has this rather annoying habit of moving very slowly and then immediately somehow teleporting away the second you’re not looking at them. They call it the ability to TRAVERSE GREAT DISTANCES BY MOVING VERY SLOWLY. You call it freaky and would rather they not do it around you.

There is evidence of your INTERESTS around the place too. You have a couple more COMPUTERS which you use for your coding projects, so if you accidentally brick one you’ve got backups. There is a vast array of KNITTING MATERIAL, wool and the like, which is all frozen to the floor. There’s also a very conspicuous HEAT SPOT on the far side of the room, caused by your SUPERHEATED NEEDLES. RESHIRAM, who also knits, gave them to you for you to try so your projects wouldn’t instantly freeze. Unfortunately this also means you cannot physically hold them and dropped them the second they came out of your sylladex.

You should probably pick those up at some poiAAAAAAGH

You don’t know how they do that.

REGIROCK has arrived, dragging an inert REGISTEEL behind them. Notably they did not open any doors to get in here.

REGIROCK: U N I T _ R E G I C E  
REGICE: Yeah, I got it, I got it. Hold it up. How did you get in here?  
REGIROCK: I _ W A L K E D  
REGICE: How did you get *in here* in here?  
REGIROCK: I _ W A L K E D  
REGICE: You know what never mind. Hold it steady.

Now you’ve got to be very careful with this. You’re only looking to perform maintenance, nothing more. You charge up an ICE PUNCH. Careful, careful…

BATTLE!

SHIT!

A wild REGISTEEL appeared!  
> Regice: Ice Punch.  
You ICE PUNCH Registeel in the face. Not only does this have the effect of immediately booting it back up again but that idiot Regirock wasn’t holding it up properly and took splash damage. A wild REGIROCK joined the battle. This is now a three-way. Arceus fucking damn it.  
Registeel believes it’s under attack from a hostile party and lets loose a wild CHARGE BEAM. It misses both you and Regirock and makes a new hole in your wall.  
Regirock uses ROCK THROW. You’re not sure who they were aiming at but the projectile misses both of you and makes a new hole in your floor.  
> Regice: Abstain.  
You don’t want to cause any more damage to your maintenance facility! You loudly protest the battle and inform the other two that if they wish to continue fighting that’s their perogative but can they please for the love of Arceus take it outside?  
Registeel seems somewhat bewildered and uses METAL CLAW in your direction. It misses.  
Regirock charges in your direction with BULLDOZE. They miss completely, overshoot, and trip into the hole their rock throw made earlier. How can you all be this shit???  
> Regice: Charge Beam.  
Okay, so talking won’t work. You’ve got a plan, though. If you can trick Steel into using Amnesia, that should force a full reset. You hit him with your own CHARGE BEAM, which thankfully hits, and deals a moderate amount of damage.  
Registeel uses AMNESIA. Yes! This was exactly what you were hoping for. The move triggers an internal soft reset of all fourteen of its cores, removing it from the battle.  
Regirock… is stuck.  
You… won the battle?

> Regice: Damage assessment.  
Nothing vital has been damaged, fortunately. Despite the holes, this sort of thing is exactly what the maintenance facilities were built to contain. Fighting amongst yourselves doesn’t happen often, and mostly happens by mistake. Possibly the most damage has been done to Regirock, who is not only now stuck in a hole in the floor but who is now sporting a pair of very straight burn marks on the bottom of one of their feet where they stood on the SUPERHEATED NEEDLES.

At the very least it looks like Registeel is coming fully online now.

REGISTEEL: { “conversation” [  
REGISTEEL: “Apologies, Unit-Regice. I believed I was under sttack.”,  
REGICE: I thought so.  
REGISTEEL: “All fourteen cores are initializing at an optimum level.”,  
REGISTEEL: “There is no mention of cheese.”,  
REGICE: Well, good. Pull Rock out, I’m going to report to Regigigas.

> Regice: Report to Regigigas.

glacierNinepin [GN] began pestering biologicalComputer [BC] at 11:47PM.  
GN: ####resigned_Registeel has restarted and reports no issues.  
GN: ####resigned_And now we wait…  
GN: ####resigned_Why is Slow Start even a thing. It’s ridiculous.  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: UNIT REGICE.  
GN: ####query_Yes?  
BC: PROCESSING…  
GN: ####annoyed_Oh come on!  
BC: RELAY INSTRUCTIONS.  
BC: UNITS REGIROCK AND REGISTEEL ARE TO RETURN TO THEIR TEMPLES.  
BC: THERE THEY ARE TO AWAIT COMPLETION OF GAME DOWNLOAD AND PROCEED AS PREVIOUSLY INSTRUCTED.  
BC: PROCESSING…  
GN: ####compliance_Instruction understood.

A good thing too. You don’t want Rock and Steel in your facility for any longer than they have to be.

REGICE: Regigigas says go home and wait for the download.  
REGICE: So basically what we've been doing for the last 90 minutes.  
REGIROCK: T H E R E _ I S _ N O _ H A R M _ I N _ I T  
REGICE: I just don't get why Mewtwo sends everybody this and then expects them all to be sitting around waiting for hours and hours.  
REGICE: Why not get everybody to download it first?  
REGISTEEL: "It's almost as though somebody painted themselves into a corner with an unrealistic timeframe which they can't go back and change any more.",  
REGICE: What?  
REGIROCK: W H A T  
REGISTEEL: "What?",  
REGICE: Are you sure your cores aren't running out of cheese again?  
REGISTEEL: "I still don't know what could force such an error in the first place.",  
REGISTEEL: "Creator-Regigigas has pushed a hotfix that appears to change irrelevant things.",  
REGICE: Look, just go. We can discuss semantics on the memo later.  
REGIROCK: C O M P L I A N C E  
REGICE: Use the door.  
REGIROCK: V E R Y _ W E L L  
REGICE: Use the door!  
REGICE: I'm not taking my eyes off you until you're through that door!  
REGISTEEL: "Farewell, then." ] }  
REGICE: See, Steel uses the door!  
REGIROCK: I _ S E E _ T H A T  
REGIROCK: I _ A M _ M O V I N G  
REGICE: Taurosshit you’re doing that slow thing again.  
REGICE: Rock I swear to—

There’s a loud pinging noise from your computer announcing the arrival of a new message, and by the time you look back Rock has completely vanished. Damn it.

Well, little point crying about it now. Rock is gone, and that’s the main thing.

> Regice: Answer message.

offensiveGlaceon [OG] began pestering glacierNinepin [GN] at 11:52PM.  
OG: Regice are you there  
OG: I kinda need to talk to someone who isn’t Lugia right now  
GN: ####confused_Is something the matter?  
OG: Well  
OG: Ish  
OG: Sorry  
OG: Lugia just said something to me and I’m feeling a bit fragile right now  
GN: ####confused_What did he say?  
OG: I’m not allowed to share it  
OG: Just  
OG: It’s a bit  
OG: Argh  
OG: It’s not anything bad  
OG: Or at least  
OG: Not bad bad  
GN: ####confused_I don’t know what you expect me to do about it.  
OG: Nothing, just  
OG: I need to type at somebody  
OG: Yours was the first name on the list  
GN: ####resigned_Sure, treat me like a sounding board…  
GN: ####genuine-apology_Sorry, that was rude.  
GN: ####sympathetic_Should I busy myself rather than interjecting?  
OG: Probably  
OG: I’ll ping you if I think I need input  
OG: It’s just  
OG: It suddenly feels like the world’s turning around me  
OG: And I don’t like it

> End of Act 1, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're just having a regional once-round, getting us introduced to some of the characters before the game starts in earnest. Next chapter focuses on Kanto, Johto again, Kalos and Alola, running up that last hour until Entei connects to the Johto memo. Originally those segments were going to be in this chapter too but as you can see this one's already enormous. Plus it buys me some time to make more of the avatars.
> 
> This, and the previous chapter, accomplish a goal I had for the beginning of the beta: I have now featured in a speaking capacity all of the Pokémon who either did not appear in the Alpha (Melmetal, Zarude, the Galar birds) or who had next to no presence outside of the intermissions (Heatran, the Forces of Nature).


	3. A1P3: Everything is Fine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter... A family goes to war, somebody gets burgled, the term 'private conversation' loses all definition, and there's a completely unexpected character shift.

CC: we’re going to have to do something about calyrex.  
TO: Mmm.  
TO: It’s a very delicate situation.  
TO: Not to say it’s one we weren’t expecting, nobody trusted him not to behave this way in the first place.  
TO: Our preparations, though, were…  
TO: Less than stellar, to be frank.  
TO: We are walking on eggshells.  
CC: i think we’re going to need to bring him in on the control team.  
CC: forcefully, if need be.  
TO: That, then, is the million dollar question.  
TO: How does one coerce a being who can see every future action before it’s taken?  
CC: actually i have a theory.  
TO: Go on.  
CC: a little earlier, when zacian brought it to my attention, i attempted to speak to calyrex.  
CC: naturally, he attempted to block me.  
TO: Which he should be aware can’t be done because you run tech support for the program.  
CC: exactly.  
CC: but i noticed that when he couldn’t do it he was *very* surprised.  
CC: he attempted to block me under the full impression that it would work.  
CC: as much as he goes on about knowing what we’re all going to do…  
CC: i think he’s as much in the dark as the rest of us.  
TO: Hmm.  
TO: That would explain his volatile behavior.  
CC: it may be linked to the spacetime anomalies dialga and palkia reported.  
TO: You may be right.  
TO: And the fact that you may be right frightens me.  
TO: Calyrex’s visions have been invaluable in the past.  
TO: Were it not for them we would be very, very dead several times over.  
TO: But if he now cannot see the future…  
TO: He’s blind and absolutely terrified.  
TO: He wants to stop everyone doing anything, regardless of the good - or harm - the things they’re doing may bring.  
CC: and you’re still certain we had to play this game?  
TO: More than ever.  
TO: I actually consulted with Calyrex last week.  
TO: I asked him:  
TO: “I’m considering an action that may have dire consequences. Should I do it?”  
TO: He responded thusly.  
TO: “What will happen will happen regardless of what you choose. The consequences have already been decided.”  
TO: “You are already playing the game.”  
CC: that’s incredibly ominous.  
TO: I asked him to clarify.  
CC: and did he?  
TO: He did.  
TO: He said “Yes.”

Act 1: The Worst Idea Of All Time  
Part 3: Everything is Fine  
======================================>

> [Begin Sequence I: KANTO] ==¬¬¬¬>  


> Enter name.  
Your name is ARTICUNO.

You’re kind of at a crossroads in your life right now. On ONE WING, you would be quite content to spend the rest of your life BICKERING WITH YOUR SIBLINGS. It’s worked for you so far. That, and then BEATING UP LUGIA when he provides an intervention, INEVITABLY LOSING, and spending the rest of the evening… well, BICKERING WITH YOUR SIBLINGS, just in a more friendly manner. It’s a STATUS QUO.

But ON THE OTHER WING, recent events have been building to a sort of background crescendo, and LUGIA has recently informed you - very recently, he did it about ten minutes ago - that the CONSTANT SHIMMERING that you can hear in the background when everything else is quiet, that fails to step out of rhythm with your heartbeat, is the WORLDSONG.

The WORLDSONG is an enormous fucking deal. If the world - no, the universe - has a pulse, that’s the Worldsong. A Pokémon attuned to the Worldsong becomes extraordinarily powerful - it’s how Lugia is able to deal with the BEAST OF THE SEA, the powerful ocean current that threads its way through the islands where you reside. He’s heard it for most of his life. And now, apparently, so do you, which according to him qualifies you to take a place as HIS APPRENTICE OF SORTS in dealing with climate issues.

You’re not sure how you feel about that.

Your relationship with other Legendaries is… well, mostly NON-EXISTENT. You’re not the sort of bird who gets out much. Especially since your brother had AN ACCIDENT and you have to spend a lot of time interpreting for him. When you do get time to yourself though, you could say you enjoy ICE SCULPTING. It’s cheating a little bit, being an ICE TYPE and all, and you get plenty of flak from your siblings for doing ART. It’s fun, though. The fine work is especially challenging considering the only things you have to work with in the way of tools is your beak, your talons, and airflow created by your wings.

You are currently located on ICE ISLAND in the middle of the ORANGE ISLANDS, where it is UNSEASONABLY WARM (and this is nothing to do with your brother, you have checked). You have another nest on the mainland but you’re always DRAWN BACK HERE. You kind of wish you were set up elsewhere though. The island’s natural cold climate is only just suppressing the heat, and the snow cap is much smaller than it should be. It’s one of many things Lugia is going to expect you to learn to deal with.

Your Poképal handle is offensiveGlaceon, which at first glance doesn’t make a lot of sense but starts to when you understand that A) you wanted the acronym OG REALLY BADLY, and B) the only real ice-related word beginning with G is GLACIER, which was already stolen by REGICE.

GLACEON is BASICALLY THE SAME.

You’ve been in kind of a daze ever since Lugia dropped that bombshell. For the last few minutes you’ve been sort of typing to yourself in a ‘conversation’ with the aforementioned Regice, a dialogue impaired by the fact that you’ve been forbidden from actually mentioning what he said until he makes it official, whatever that means.

What will you do?

> Articuno: Do some sculpting, calm down.  
You know, that’s not a bad idea. It’s certainly better than stressing out, and typing whatever words come into your head at Regice isn’t helping. You apologize to it again and close the conversation.

If you’re going to do any sculpting at all, you’re going to need ice, and that means you need water. Unfortunately the only Water-type move you actually know is RAIN DANCE, and the last time any of you used a weather move here among the islands things broke pretty badly so you’re not going to do it again. This means you’re going to have to fly down to the ocean, freeze a block, and then stuff it into your Sylladex and cart it back up.

At some point you know you’re going to have to learn WATER PULSE. That would be very useful. However to learn it you’re going to need to get somebody else to teach it to you, and the only Pokémon you know who’d be willing to do that is - you guessed it - LUGIA. SIGH. Zapdos and Moltres are going to give you so much shit.

The flight down to the waterline gives you the opportunity to observe your little cluster of islands. FIRE ISLAND, ICE ISLAND, LIGHTNING ISLAND. Unimaginative, but easy to remember at least. Then there’s SHAMOUTI, where Lugia holes up when he’s dealing with you, which is all the time. You know he’s got another nest SOMEWHERE, but he won’t tell any of you. He knows you’ll just trash it in retaliation. There’s no sign of either him or your siblings though. Good. It’s REALLY HOT. You don’t want to spend any longer down here than you have to.

Drawing an ice block out of the ocean is actually fairly easy, considering that it’s saltwater. You’ve even practiced shaping it here and fashioning handles for your talons to hook onto so you can move it about easier. Then it’s just a matter of captchaloguing it. Your Sylladex is running on the obviously-named SCULPTURE FETCH MODUS, which is just as it sounds - you’re tasked with making a miniature sculpture of whatever you have in your Sylladex before you can get it out. It’s not as bad as it sounds. You don’t have to be too accurate. You never run into problems with getting too-detailed items stuck. A solid block is a cakeflight.

Yikes. Even in your Sylladex it’s starting to melt. You’d better get back up the mountain fast!

As you approach your nest you can hear an incredibly loud, repetitive noise. Great, it’s the Poképal pinging noise. You know exactly who it’s going to be. MEW is the only one who repeatedly pings people to get them to answer her. She knows the pinging noise is incredibly annoying. That’s what she’s going for.

> Articuno: Deal with Mew.  
And… MUTE!

That’s much better.

Yeah, you know there’s about to be a game going on. You’ve got the download running. Mew of course has installed herself as Team Kanto leader. She expects this means you and your siblings will be bowing to her every whim and request. You will NOT. Neither you, Zapdos or Moltres give a flying fuck about her. As soon as the download finishes - it’s got a couple of hours to go - you’re planning amongst yourselves to try and cut her out of the loop entirely. She can run her own team with Zacian and Zamazenta and whoever else decides to wander in.

You note as you leave your computer again that it’s just ticked over midnight. It’s now the EIGHTH OF AUGUST. Yay, you guess.

Now, what will you sculpt?

> Articuno: Make a Lucario.  
Eh? Um, okay, you guess. You have got an oblong block, a biped’s not going to be too hard.

As predicted the block pops out of your Sylladex without any fuss, and you get to work with your beak. You’ve heard it said that at at its base level SCULPTING is just TAKING A BLOCK and revealing SOMETHING HIDDEN INSIDE. You don’t know who said that because it’s total taurosshit. You tried doing that once and it turned out that all that was in the block you’d picked was ICE.

Hm hm hmm…

While you’re doing this you can see Poképal flashing angrily at you. That’s some fit Mew’s throwing. Normally she tires herself out for a few minutes but you guess the prospect of this game has got her all fired up. Oop, careful, you’re starting to get to the delicate parts. You need to be very careful that the whole thing doesn’t fall over and shatter. You’ve lost many projects this way.

But as you work you find your mind drifting back to that conversation with Lugia, and along with it the shimmering in your ears seems to get a little louder. You’re not ready for anything like that. You don’t want that level of responsibility. You— shit!

You fumble and accidentally peck off the proto-Lucario’s left pair of aura tassels.

Fuck this. You can’t concentrate right now. There’s only one more thing you can think of to clear your head.

offensiveGlaceon [OG] began pestering dantesNferno [DN] at 00:12AM.  
OG: You  
OG: Me  
OG: Outside  
OG: Now  
DN: /\\(o?o)/\  
OG: Yes now  
OG: It’s too hot and I’m upset and I need to blow off some steam  
OG: And if that means blaming you for something you didn’t do then whoop de doo  
DN: >:(  
DN: (o>o)-\i /\/  
OG: What  
OG: Yeah okay flip Zapdos off first if you have to  
OG: Just be there  
OG: And if you’re not I’m taking your island  
DN: D:<  
OG: You know the rules  
DN: (->-)  
DN: (o)<======) *x.x*  
OG: I don’t think so  
offensiveGlaceon [OG] stopped pestering dantesNferno [DN] at 00:15AM.

> Articuno: Go to war.  
Yes, this is obviously the best course of action right now.

You leave your island and take up a holding pattern. Moments later you hear a sort of strangled screech - Arceus damn it he’s not supposed to do that - and Moltres emerges, making a beeline for you, looking somewhat sick. Yeah, that attempt at a vocalization hasn’t agreed with him. He’s handicapped himself.

But you don’t care.

BATTLE!

A wild MOLTRES appeared!  
Moltres is faster than you, but wastes his turn making a rude gesture that implies something unsavory about your plumage.  
> Articuno: Aggress.  
You reply in kind blaming him for the current weather predicament.

Moltres spits an EMBER at you. Despite his throat problem it still packs a punch. Or it would, if it came anywhere close to you.  
> Articuno: Agility.  
Yeah, getting some extra speed on him’s going to be paramount if you’re going keep this up. You use AGILITY, and fly some circles around him for good measure.

Moltres comes at you with an AIR SLASH. Ow. You thought you’d avoided him but he can still keep up with you. Time to retaliate!  
> Articuno: Ice Beam.  
Taking aim at his legs you fire a precise shot of ICE BEAM. One frozen bird leg, coming right up. It quickly becomes apparent that the environmental heat is going to make lasting Ice-type moves ineffective. Damn it.

Moltres goes for another AIR SLASH. This one hits more solidly than the previous one. You can’t believe you’re actually starting to lose this. Where the hell is your sister?  
Oh, there she is!  
A wild ZAPDOS joined the battle!  
Zapdos comes straight in out of left field and attacks Moltres with DRILL PECK. Thanks for the save there, Zapdos!  
Zapdos shows blatant disregard for the rules and doubles up her turn to blame you for starting this whole thing and interrupting the TV show she was watching.  
> Articuno: Blizzard.  
Time to bring out the big guns. You chuck a BLIZZARD in their direction. This hurts Zapdos more than it does Moltres, and it’s kind of underpowered because of the heat, but hey, you’ll take it.

Moltres is still more upset with you than he is with Zapdos, and returns fire with a HURRICANE. You narrowly dodge out of the way.  
Zapdos is fed up with both of you and uses DISCHARGE. It’s super-effective! Ow, that really stings! You ought to— fuck, you’re PARALYZED. You’re not about to drop out of the air but it’s going to make moving around a lot harder.  
> Articuno: Tailwind.  
It takes a little more concentration but you’re able to change your TAILWIND and raise your speed even higher. Probably should’ve done this earlier.

Moltres, not being an idiot, promptly uses SAFEGUARD.  
> Articuno: Freeze-dry.  
You are PARALYZED and unable to move!  
Zapdos takes pity on you - the nerve - and hits Moltres with… was that PECK? No, you can see her swallowing something, so it must’ve been PLUCK.

Moltres makes a complicated series of wing gestures that take you a moment to understand. It seems that XERNEAS gave him that berry to help with his throat. Oh, whoops.  
> Articuno: Try Freeze-dry again.  
You are PARALYZED and unable to move!  
Zapdos has no idea what Moltres is trying to say and zaps him with a THUNDER SHOCK.

Moltres seems to have taken that personally. He goes straight for Zapdos with a FRUSTRATION. Oof, that looked like it hurt.  
> Articuno: Aerial Ace.  
Attempting complicated maneuvers isn’t the best idea right now but you aim for Zapdos with an AERIAL ACE regardless. Out of the corner of your eye you notice- aw, shit.  
A wild LUGIA joined the battle!  
Lugia used AEROBLAST!  
Moltres is unable to battle!  
Zapdos is unable to battle!  
You are unable to battle!

Suffice to say Lugia is NOT HAPPY with any of you right now.

> Articuno: Damage assessment.  
You’re not particularly concerned with how your siblings are coming out of this, but you’re definitely paralyzed, you’ve probably got a bit of charge left on you and should be careful when you ground yourself, those Air Slashes you took definitely left a mark, and you took the full force of that Aeroblast to the face. Safe to say you should probably Roost when you get back to your island, and dig out the Cheri berries you have stored for just such an occasion.

You don’t miss the look of disapproval Lugia sends your way as he makes sure the three of you disperse. But you don’t care. That was fun. Fuck him.

A lot of the time you’d all take his admission into the battle as an excuse to gang up on him, but then a lot of the time you don’t normally all three of you get hit by his opening salvo. Really all this means is the lecture he’s going to give you is going to start earlier than normal.

Once you’re home (eventually) and cured of paralysis, you get straight back to what you were doing: ignoring Mew. Instead you hop into your trio’s private memo.

offensiveGlaceon [OG] joined memo THE ORANGE ISLANDS EXIST on board THE LEGENDARIUM.  
> Private board for users offensiveGlaceon [OG], thunderbirbTwo [TT], dantesNferno [DN] and beastieBirb [BB].

OG: Well  
OG: That happened  
thunderbirbTwo [TT] joined the memo.  
TT: oof  
TT: why was moltres so mad at me  
OG: I think you ate the berry Xerneas gave him for his throat  
TT: oh  
TT: yeah that’d explain it  
dantesNferno [DN] joined the memo.  
DN: (@.@)  
DN: (@)<~~~x  
TT: sorry bro  
DN: :/  
OG: If it’s any consolation Moltres you won that  
OG: Before we were interrupted  
TT: oh yeah  
TT: definitely  
TT: btw you guys made me miss the rest of my show so thanks a bunch  
DN: /\\(o<o)/\  
OG: Was it your stupid puppet show again  
TT: thunderbirds is not a stupid puppet show!  
TT: it’s a classic!  
TT: if you’d let me show you an episode you’d understand!  
DN: :/  
OG: Just having Moltres in the cave overheats all your stuff  
DN: ^^^  
DN: (->-)  
TT: then we hijack a cinema or something  
TT: get mewtwo to help  
OG: Yeah but if we did anything like that Mew would find out  
TT: crap right  
TT: she still pinging you off the hook?  
DN: (->-)  
OG: Yep  
TT: so who actually started it  
OG: I felt like shit so I blamed Moltres for this heatwave  
TT: you mean its not his fault  
DN: (o>o)-\i  
DN: >:(  
OG: Nah something weird’s going on with the weather  
OG: Lugia’ll probably say something about it when he gets here  
OG: Didn’t we have this discussion like an hour ago  
TT: mew was there  
TT: i discarded the memory as soon as i left the memo  
DN: (o>o)v  
OG: Fair  
OG: Okay next time though seriously can you not Discharge until later  
TT: i’ll try and remember that  
beastieBirb [BB] joined the memo.  
BB: Seriously?!  
OG: Seriously what  
BB: We are in the middle of an unnatural heatwave that Autopilot seems to be ignoring.  
BB: You *know* that I’m busy trying to sort this out.  
BB: You *know* that your fighting makes things worse.  
BB: Surely you can’t seriously believe that I have the time to interrupt your petty bickering right now!  
TT: i’m always serious  
TT: and dont call me shirley  
OG: What  
DN: (->(\  
BB: For your information, Zapdos, yes, I have watched Airplane, and no, that wasn’t funny.  
BB: Articuno, what did Moltres just say?  
OG: It was a facewing  
BB: Right.  
BB: I don’t want to hear another peep coming from your islands tonight.  
BB: Got that?  
TT: what about the game  
BB: Yes, yes, I know about the game.  
BB: So long as the game doesn’t involve you three fighting with each other you’re clear.  
OG: But what if it does  
BB: If it does you’re all banned from playing.  
OG: Fuck that I’m not wasting a five hour download for that  
TT: five hours  
TT: mine’s taking much longer  
DN: /\\(o>o)->  
DN: <-(o<o)/\  
DN: ^(o<o)  
BB: Articuno?  
OG: Uh  
OG: Maybe the Macarena  
DN: >:(  
DN: ^(o>o)-/ v(o>o)->  
OG: Um  
OG: Okay now he’s doing semaphore  
OG: Numbers 6  
DN: ^^^  
TT: this is why i don’t do charades  
DN: ^(o>o)-> <-(o>o)/> <-(o>o)-> <-(o>o)-\  
OG: Letters H R S  
OG: Oh he’s saying his download is 6 hours  
DN: \\-(->-)-/  
TT: well i could’ve understood *that*  
OG: But you didn’t  
BB: Yes okay okay.  
BB: There’s a simple solution to that, Articuno. Don’t fight amongst yourselves and you won’t get banned.  
BB: I expected better from you.  
BB: Now if you’ll excuse me I’m trying to get to the bottom of this.  
BB: I wish you’d take this more seriously.  
BB: All three of you.  
beastieBirb [BB] fled the memo.  
TT: he seems mad  
TT: did you do something  
DN: /\\(o<o)/\  
OG: I don’t want to talk about it  
TT: so you did do something  
OG: I said I don’t want to talk about it  
OG: I’m gonna go  
DN: (o?o)  
offensiveGlaceon [OG] fled the memo. 

Ugh. Now you’re right back where you started. You might as well get back to the proto-Lucario. You can see from the box flashing that Mew is still pinging you every few seconds, but you’re still not going to answer her. You’d block her, but that’d just invite her to teleport in and start shouting at you in-person and you really don’t want that. You don’t even know why she doesn’t do it right now.

At least if you’re sculpting you don’t have time to concentrate on anything— huh? What’s this? It looks like there’s something embedded in the ice, near the bottom. It must have been floating in the water and you missed it. Eh, it’s probably just some trash the humans threw in the sea.

> Articuno: Examine item.  
It takes you a moment to extract it. ‘It’ appears to be a PAIR OF SUNGLASSES. Not just ANY pair of sunglasses, though, because you recognize them very well. They belong to your NOT-COUSIN YAN. What on Earth are these doing here? You don’t think Yan’s visited the Orange Islands since that one time a couple of years ago when Lugia thought it would be a good idea for all six of you to have a ‘family’ reunion. Needless to say it didn’t go well and Lugia is never inviting them down again. But anyway you know that she’s had her sunglasses in the interim, and she made a big deal about them being the only pair in existence.

You’d better let her know you’ve got them.

offensiveGlaceon [OG] began pestering ominousGaze [OG2] at 00:29AM (16:29PM Aug 7 Galar Time)  
OG: Hey Yan  
OG2: what do u want  
OG: Are you  
OG: Uh  
OG: Missing something  
OG2: im not playin this with u art  
OG2: say it or dont i dont care  
OG: I just found your sunglasses  
OG2: what  
OG2: how  
OG: They were in a block of ice I pulled out of the sea like half an hour ago  
OG: You didn’t come down here at all did you  
OG2: why tf would i want to go down there  
OG2: anyway my sunglasses are right here  
OG: Huh  
OG: You definitely only have one pair right  
OG2: duh  
OG2: sure theyre mine  
OG: You think I’d mistake some other glasses for yours  
OG2: y  
OG: Nah they’re yours  
OG: Same design at least  
OG: You wouldn’t get these on a human  
OG: Maybe the local Squirtle saw yours and liked them  
OG2: theyd better not have  
OG2: i have copyright  
OG: Can you get copyright on sunglasses  
OG: Is that a thing  
OG2: i dont care if its a thing or not  
OG2: theyre my glasses  
OG2: copyright means u dont have right to copy  
OG: What should I do with them  
OG2: id come get them but calyrex isnt lettin anyone out  
OG2: hes on the warpath  
OG: So’s Lugia  
OG: Same shit different place  
OG2: hang on to em then  
OG2: ill come get them when everythins over  
OG: I’ll stick it in my Sylladex  
OG2: what modus do u use  
OG: Sculpture  
OG2: yeah thatll do  
OG2: just checkin it wasnt somethin stupid like pyro  
OG: Why would I be using Pyro  
OG2: i dunno  
OG2: masochism  
OG2: look i dont know or care what u get up to in your spare time  
OG: Ok so I’ve put them in my dex  
OG: What was your modus again  
OG2: ugh  
OG2: guess who  
OG2: it fuckin sucks  
OG: Sounds like it  
OG: Why don’t you just grab Tyan’s or Teth’s  
OG: It’s the sort of thing you’d do  
OG2: yeah and i already tried it  
OG2: teth uses boggle and word games are dumb  
OG2: and tyan uses settlers of catan which is even dumber  
OG: Wow  
OG: You’re right that’s dumb  
OG: I guess you’re gonna be working with them for the game though  
OG2: lol hell no  
OG2: theres no team galar  
OG: Oh  
OG: So whose team are you gonna be on then  
OG2: prob sinnoh theyre all pushovers  
OG2: doesnt matter as long as its not kalos  
OG2: all i care about is being able to kick kalos in the collective balls  
OG: I’ll never get your obsession with hating Kalos  
OG2: k you got any more surprises to spring on me  
OG: Nah, we’re done  
OG: I’ll poke you about this when everything blows over  
OG2: if i find out you’ve been wearin them  
OG2: u know whatll happen  
OG: Yeah yeah I know  
OG: You’ll go all laser eyes on me  
OG: I don’t think they’d fit me anyway  
OG: My head’s smaller  
OG: Anyway cya  
offensiveGlaceon [OG] stopped pestering ominousGaze [OG2] at 00:39AM (16:39PM Galar Time)

You can probably get back to your sculpture now, finally. It’ll be at least an hour before she picks up that you implied she has a big head. You can’t help but wonder though - how did these glasses get here? They’re identical to Yan’s down to the exact detail. You know the local Squirtle can be a bit overzealous, but these things are definitely built for a bird, not a turtle.

Oh well. It’s a mystery that you don’t even really want to know the answer to and probably won’t be solved for a really long time anyway.

> [Resume Sequence VII: ALOLA] =====-+>  


What the— settle down! Yes, we know there are a lot of characters to meet in Alola! We can only pick one for the moment!

That’s better.

> Enter name.  
Your name is SILVALLY. You… guess you don’t really have any titles, unless you count TYPE:FULL, which makes you feel uncomfortable. You are also the YOUNGEST LEGENDARY POKÉMON IN THE WORLD, owing to having been CREATED only a few years ago. You’re still really new at this! It’s very hard! Unsurprisingly you get along well with the other MANMADE POKÉMON, those being MEWTWO and MAGEARNA. GENESECT would also count, except he doesn’t speak an easily understandable language. You’re learning how to TRANSLATE for him but you’re far from being FLUENT.

You were, to put it bluntly, CREATED TO FIGHT. More specifically you were engineered to COMBAT THE ULTRA BEASTS, who seem to (at least for the moment) have retreated to lick their wounds. You haven’t seen any for a few weeks. This is a GOOD THING. For a Pokémon created to, in essence, RIVAL ARCEUS, you DISLIKE FIGHTING INTENSELY. You’ll do it when you HAVE TO - you’re as close as it comes to being the WORLD’S #1 AUTHORITY ON THE ULTRA BEASTS - but on more general terms you COULDN’T HURT A FLY.

As the youngest you are absolutely fascinated by the HISTORY of the Pokémon world, and as such you spend a lot of your time READING ABOUT IT. On a couple of occasions you’ve gotten the opportunity to join LOCAL ARCHAEOLOGIST MARSHADOW as he goes SPELUNKING. That said, he spends most of those occasions complaining about how HE WAS THERE FOR THAT AND THE HUMANS GOT IT WRONG. You think it’s fascinating though. The difference in historical interpretation is in itself history. You’re sure if everybody immediately understood everything about the past then they wouldn’t find anything interesting at all.

On a side note, you have at TAPU LELE’S REQUEST taken up SOME FORM OF DANCE. You don’t know what a quadrupedal dance is called, and neither does she. However she helps you a lot when you fall over and she thinks learning to dance will help you stop falling over. Though you’re a few years old your limbs still sometimes do things you don’t want them to.

Your Poképal handle is makeshiftNovelty, which to be honest is what you feel like sometimes.

As is usual you’ve just woken up in a COLD SWEAT after having another NIGHTMARE. They’ve been getting a little less frequent, which is good, but it’s always the same - you’re back trapped under that HELMET. This is in part your own fault - until Arceus found out you were doing it and took it away, whenever you got scared of your own power you’d put it back on and hide in a dark corner somewhere. He tasked Cresselia and Darkrai to put a stop to the nightmares, but for some reason - you really don’t want to know why - your DREAMSCAPE doesn’t exist to them. It’s just you this happens to. Mewtwo has dreams, Genesect has dreams, even Magearna has dreams (though admittedly they are pre-programmed). They can see all of their dreamscapes. But not yours.

There’s a little grounding for reality, though. You can hear MELMETAL and TAPU FINI quietly talking outside your DEN.

What will you do?

> Silvally: Get a drink.  
That sounds like an excellent idea.

One side of your den is filled with books. They’re not stolen, at least you don’t think they are. You mostly get by with donations from the Tapu, who seem to have made it their mission to supply you with the damaged books the island libraries would otherwise throw away. The other half is your living space. Grass bed, little river for running water, food supply. And… this.

This container carries your RKS MEMORIES. Not your actual memories. They’re more like little discs that allow you to take on whatever type is programmed onto them. You don’t like using them. If that was all they did, that would be fine, but it transpires that they are ACTUAL MEMORIES. Just not yours. With one of them plugged into your head you are literally remembering an event in somebody else’s life, somebody who was that type. Sometimes… it can be a little overwhelming. You’re not going to go into any more detail than that.

You were getting a drink. Right. It’s nice and cool. While you’re at it you splash a little onto your face, not that it helps. Even without the helmet your eyes are covered by some sort of superglass lenses.

The drink does make you feel a little better.

There’s one more thing you need to take care of before you join Fini and Melmetal outside. It’s very important. Arceus told you to do it.

On this wall there’s a mirror. There’s a Pokémon in it. It’s a MANMADE CHIMERA.

> Silvally: You are not fake.  
It’s pieces of other Pokémon that have NO RIGHT TO FIT TOGETHER.

> Silvally: You are not fake!  
It’s an EXPERIMENT made to SUPPLANT THE ALMIGHTY.

> Silvally: YOU ARE NOT FAKE!  
It’s YOU.

You are a living, breathing Pokémon. Your creation was your birth. Your emotions are real. You have your power under control. Nobody is ever taking any of that away from you.

Your name is SILVALLY.

And you are NOT FAKE.

Breathe.

Inhale.

Exhale.

In. Out.

The Pokémon in the mirror smiles.

Now you’re ready to face the day.

Judging from the light level outside the islands are around about half an hour away from sunrise. That’s pretty good. Usually you wake up at ridiculous hours in the morning. You take a quick moment to wash then step outside.

SILVALLY: Morning :)  
TAPU FINI: Good morning  
MELMETAL: morning!  
MELMETAL: we couldn’t sleep so we’ve been out here a while  
SILVALLY: I heard  
SILVALLY: What were you talking about?  
TAPU FINI: Arceus has started Autopilot to allow us to play some sort of game  
TAPU FINI: So we were discussing what it might be  
SILVALLY: Ooh  
SILVALLY: Um  
SILVALLY: Question  
SILVALLY: Whats Autopilot?  
MELMETAL: apparently it’s where all the world processes take care of themselves for a while  
MELMETAL: so all the legendaries who have jobs can have a break  
SILVALLY: That sounds like a good idea!  
TAPU FINI: I forget sometimes the two of you weren’t around the last time it was activated  
SILVALLY: I guess it doesnt happen that often  
TAPU FINI: You may wish to switch on your computer  
TAPU FINI: It is a network-based game that requires a download  
SILVALLY: Okay, I’ll do that

> Silvally: Switch on computer.  
You like using your computer. It’s a very valuable resource! You’re always careful to check sources though, and even more so when you stumble upon articles related to yourself. Unlike many of the other legendaries a lot of information about you isn’t public domain. That said, you do edit cautiously when you find misinformation about your BROTHERS. Technically speaking they’re your IDENTICAL CLONES. There are four Silvally in existence and you were all created the same way. You don’t have much contact with the others, though. They’ve all got human trainers and they’re very happy with them and you’re very happy for them.

You are however, to your knowledge at least, the only one of them who identifies as female.

As soon as the computer finishes booting up, the message from Mewtwo pops up immediately, and you quickly begin the download. It’ll take a few hours. Wow, the files must be big.

Huh? Someone must have just noticed you logging in and is messaging you.

> Silvally: Answer.

theOne [TO] began pestering makeshiftNovelty [MN] at 05:29AM (00:29AM Aug 8 Home Region Time)  
TO: Good morning, Silvally.  
MN: Good morning Arceus :)  
TO: Is it too much to hope you slept well?  
MN: Sorry :(  
MN: Had the nightmare again  
TO: There’s nothing you need apologize for.  
TO: If anything, I should be the one apologizing.  
TO: It’s unacceptable that you should be forced to endure them.  
TO: It may be a while before the opportunity arises again, but when it does, I will accompany Cresselia to Alola to see if I can provide her any assistance.  
MN: You dont need to do that for me  
MN: Its fine really  
TO: It’s not healthy to keep such things bottled up.  
TO: Anyway, that wasn’t why I wanted to speak to you.  
TO: I assume by now you have seen Mewtwo’s message?  
MN: Yes  
TO: Good.  
MN: I dont really understand what its about though  
MN: Its not that clear :/  
TO: Yes, well, the general idea is that everybody goes in as blind as possible.  
TO: Explaining everything right from the start is the easiest way to lose everyone’s attention.  
TO: And I know among some of us at least the concept of the thrill of discovery isn’t dead.  
TO: Once teams get going, and information about the startup process is shared, things should start proceeding quicker.  
MN: Do you and the other legendaries play games often?  
TO: Honestly?  
TO: Not as much as I’d like.  
TO: Yes, we tend to have jobs that need doing, hence Autopilot, but I find it very much helps to unwind sometimes.  
TO: Even if that means being thrashed at chess by Calyrex.  
MN: Oh  
MN: Well  
MN: This sounds fun so Ill give it a go :D  
TO: That’s the spirit.  
TO: What I wanted to do was extend an offer.  
TO: For preface, I don’t actually understand the competitive aspect either. Zygarde was the one who suggested it to be team-based.  
TO: If for any reason you feel uncomfortable participating on the Alola team, in active competition, I will be leading a ‘control team’ of sorts.  
TO: Neutral ground, if you like.  
TO: It consists of myself, the Creation Trio, Mewtwo, Regigigas, Genesect, Deoxys, Calyrex, and when we can get hold of him, Zygarde.  
TO: If you prefer to help your friends that is of course perfectly fine.  
TO: You’d probably enjoy it more that way.  
TO: I’m just making sure you understand that the door is open in case the atmosphere is too stressing for you.  
MN: Um  
MN: Thank you  
MN: Ill try with the rest of Alola first then  
MN: But Ill remember the offer :)  
TO: And either way, if you have *any* concerns, do not hesitate to message me.  
TO: Should I be unavailable any from the above list should be able to point you in the right direction.  
MN: Ok  
MN: Uh I just remembered I left Tapu Fini and Melmetal outside :o  
MN: Theyre probably waiting for me to come back  
TO: I won’t keep you.  
TO: Have a good day.  
MN: You too! :D  
theOne [TO] stopped pestering makeshiftNovelty [MN] at 05:37AM (00:37AM Aug 8 Home Region Time)

It’s incredibly easy to get distracted by the computer. You make sure there’s nothing else amiss that requires immediate attention and then head back outside.

SILVALLY: Sorry I had to answer a message  
TAPU FINI: It happens to all of us  
SILVALLY: So this games pretty mysterious huh  
SILVALLY: Mewtwos message didnt explain much  
MELMETAL: we’re excited to find out though!  
SILVALLY: Um  
SILVALLY: Howre you going to play it here?  
MELMETAL: we’re not  
MELMETAL: magearna let us join your team because galar sort of  
MELMETAL: um  
MELMETAL: isn’t a thing  
MELMETAL: but we’ve still got to go home to play it  
SILVALLY: Isnt your home in Galar  
SILVALLY: Howre you getting back?  
MELMETAL: we’re getting a plane back later  
SILVALLY: Howre you going to ride a plane?  
MELMETAL: very carefully  
SILVALLY: Thats not really an answer :/  
SILVALLY: I thought you weighed—  
SILVALLY: What was that  
TAPU FINI: My phone  
TAPU FINI: I am logged in to the Alola memo  
TAPU FINI: Zeraora is not happy  
MELMETAL: is he ever happy  
SILVALLY: Hes happy when hes with Zapdos  
TAPU FINI: It seems Zapdos is actually the cause of his ire  
TAPU FINI: She has changed his user handle and given him a quirk  
SILVALLY: :o  
TAPU FINI: It is best seen for yourself  
TAPU FINI: We may also need assistance soon  
TAPU FINI: For the same reason  
SILVALLY: Um, okay  
SILVALLY: I dont have a phone though  
SILVALLY: Ill have to go back inside  
SILVALLY: Melmetal did you want to come in or  
MELMETAL: we’re fine  
MELMETAL: but thanks!

> Silvally: Go back inside.  
Wow, it it is all about the talking today. Maybe it’s that sort of game? You’re not particularly good at text adventures though. You’re more of a solo puzzler kind of gamer, when you do gaming that is. You probably would like visual novels too but those tend to have branching paths and you just reach the first choice and get paralyzed with indecision and never touch the game again. There has to be a happy ending too, you can’t stand—

Huh?

Why is there a VULPIX in the middle of your den?

It doesn’t appear to be doing anything, it’s just… sitting there. Staring at… uh… oh, is that an empty captchalogue card? You guess you probably left it there yesterday. Not that special. Um.

> Silvally: Say hello.  
You attempt to greet the Vulpix.

The ice fox jumps several feet in the air in surprise when you speak then darts forward, snatches the card, and absconds through a window.

Okay?

It’s not like you particularly needed that card… you have seven in your Sylladex already. But you don’t quite know what the Vulpix could even do with it. As far as you’re aware only the legendaries and mythicals have Sylladices in the first place. Weird. But not particularly vital, so you’re not going to worry about it too much. It’s not like they’re going to accidentally captchalogue themselves.

You hop back in front of your computer and open up the Alola region memo.

makeshiftNovelty [MN] joined memo CAMPFIRE SONGS on board BEACH PARTAY!  
> Welcome to the Alola region board. There are currently [4] members and [4] guests present.  
> Home of Lunala. Enough said. Don’t break the rules, guys.  
> Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
> Present moderators: poryBot [PB]  
> Present members: upriverMarlin [UM], ullageUltimatum [UU], mechaMarvel [MM], tempestsUwu [TU]  
> Present guests: winCondition [WC], turboTrample [TT], grassrootsOptimism [GO], bevelledMetamorph [BM]  
> Your current username setting is: [LONG]. Type /names short or /names real to change this.  
> MOTD: *Preparations for the impending game*.* -MM

[BOT] poryBot [PB] gave makeshiftNovelty [MN] the ‘administrator’ role.  
winCondition: ayy  
grassrootsOptimism: Hi Silvally!  
mechaMarvel: *Good morning, Silvally*.*  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Morning everyone :)  
winCondition: @tempestsUwu consider the hiVe stirred  
winCondition: >8D  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Um  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Uwu?  
winCondition: >8D >8D  
upriverMarlin: I said  
upriverMarlin: Zapdos  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: I see  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Uh  
[ADMIN] maksehiftNovelty: :/  
turboTrample: Just wait until he speaks.  
turboTrample: Zapdos proves once again that she’s an absolute hero.  
tempestsUwu:  
tempestsUwu: I’m telling her you said that, nya  
turboTrample: Too late, already did.  
tempestsUwu: Gah, nya  
mechaMarvel: *Silvally is an administrator*.* Why not ask her to change it*?*  
tempestsUwu: Zapdos dared me to do this all day, nya  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: I dont think I can edit quirks anyway  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Or at least I dont know how sorry :(  
tempestsUwu: The sun’s not even up yet why is everyone wakin up, nya  
tempestsUwu: I’m blamin you for this Victini, nya  
tempestsUwu: Everythin was quiet in here until you barged in, nya  
winCondition: VVhat can i say  
winCondition: the chicks dig it  
grassrootsOptimism: :/  
upriverMarlin: No  
upriverMarlin: Just no  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Isnt the only one of us here who was a chick once Tyan  
winCondition: aVV bless  
turboTrample: Well, he’s not wrong.  
winCondition: VVhat  
turboTrample: ‘Cause you’re super attractive.  
turboTrample: I’m attracted to you.  
winCondition: haha yes  
ullageUltimatum: REALLY  
turboTrample: And Necrozma wins first prize in the sarcasm blindness contest.  
ullageUltimatum: WHAT DID I WIN  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Tyan  
turboTrample: What?  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: :(  
turboTrample: What??  
mechaMarvel: *I believe Silvally is upset that you used the incorrect pronoun*.*  
turboTrample: W  
turboTrample: Okay I was actually referring to Victini there and started writing before your message but okay sorry.  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Thank you :)  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: And Im sorry I misinterpreted it  
grassrootsOptimism: Another victory for politeness!  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Ok  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: I get that Tyans probably here for the same reason as Melmetal  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: But why are you here Victini?  
winCondition: same reason  
winCondition: unoVas great but the other guys cant organize themselVes for shit  
winCondition: i mean the VVhole regions out of poVVer atm  
grassrootsOptimism: Wait, really?  
grassrootsOptimism: You didn’t mention that before.  
winCondition: yea but i dont really care  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: If the region doesnt have power, how are you here? :/  
winCondition: im motherfucking Victini thats hoVV i got lucky  
winCondition: no but actually  
winCondition: i liVe in a lighthouse duh  
winCondition: my backups haVe backups  
mechaMarvel: *He has a point*.*  
mechaMarvel: *It would be catastrophic for watercraft if lighthouses were vulnerable to blackouts*.*  
mechaMarvel: *I believe we drifted away from the topic*.*  
turboTrample: There was a Topic?!  
turboTrample: I demand to know its location this instant.  
turboTrample: I’m hungry.  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: o.o  
grassrootsOptimism: Um, Tyan, that didn’t make any sense.  
bevelledMetamorph: topic is a galarian brand of chocolate bar  
grassrootsOptimism: …now it does.  
ullageUltimatum: I WANT CHOCOLATE  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: You cant have chocolate youll be sick  
turboTrample: Well I know what I’m doing later.  
tempestsUwu: Fuck, nya  
tempestsUwu: If you make Necrozma throw up I’m gonna make you clean it, nya  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: I didnt know you cared Zera!  
tempestsUwu: I don’t, nya  
tempestsUwu: But he thinks my place is the best place to be sick, nya  
ullageUltimatum: YOU DIDNT COMPLAIN  
tempestsUwu: Only because you’d already fucked off, nya!  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Oh  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Necrozma if youre sick its polite to stay and clear it up  
ullageUltimatum: OH  
ullageUltimatum: SORRY  
mechaMarvel: *And Tyan, sabotaging the other members of the team will get you removed from it*.*  
turboTrample: Ugh fine.  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Anyway  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: What topic were you talking about Magearna?  
mechaMarvel: *Fini, Shaymin and I constructed a connection schedule with regards to the game*.*  
mechaMarvel: *I am the team leader*.*  
tempestsUwu: Which is already a bad idea but there’s literally no other good choice, nya  
mechaMarvel: *I will begin by connecting to Fini*.*  
mechaMarvel: *From there we will see whose downloads finish first, as most of us aren’t yet awake*.*  
bevelledMetamorph: sun’s nearly up  
bevelledMetamorph: we can't see lunala any more  
mechaMarvel: *Yes, our collective sleep schedules have been taken into account*.*  
winCondition: see i dont get that  
winCondition: you guys are basically the only region VVho sleep eVery night  
grassrootsOptimism: Victini, *I* sleep every night.  
winCondition: isnt it 1am in the home regions right noVV  
grassrootsOptimism: Yes.  
grassrootsOptimism: I was however pre-warned that *something* was going on this evening, and I have been drinking coffee.  
mechaMarvel: *I am not sure having a head full of stimulant is necessarily going to help*.*  
mechaMarvel: *Nor, I suspect, a full bladder*.*  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Ok  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Im guessing Melmetal Tyan Victini and Shaymin are on that list too  
grassrootsOptimism: No, I’m only here to provide assistance.  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Ah I see :)  
winCondition: VVhich is stupid  
winCondition: you knoVV if you VVanna VVin you gotta ignore eVerything the other teams say  
winCondition: youre handicapped from the start though so fair  
mechaMarvel: *Handicapped*?* How so*?*  
winCondition: zera  
tempestsUwu: What, nya  
winCondition: cause of zapdos  
winCondition: if it comes doVVn to alola Vs kanto you tVVo are gonna be the VVeak link  
tempestsUwu: COME OVER HERE AND SAY THAT TO MY FACE, NYA  
tempestsUwu: Or better, nya  
tempestsUwu: Melmetal how easy is it to catch a plane, nya  
bevelledMetamorph: probably easier for you than it is for us  
turboTrample: I’ll help.  
turboTrample: I’m still *a* Zapdos and you do *not* insult us.  
winCondition: fuck i didnt think that one through  
winCondition [WC] fled the memo.  
tempestsUwu: Magearna I swear to Arceus if he stays on our team, nya  
tempestsUwu: I will kill him, nya  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Theres no need to go that far Zera  
tempestsUwu: Silv, nya  
tempestsUwu: I will say this once, nya  
tempestsUwu: He insulted me and my girlfriend in the same sentence, nya  
tempestsUwu: I am not staying on the same team as him, nya  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: :(  
upriverMarlin: Zeraora, Silvally has no comparision  
mechaMarvel: *To be honest I do not think I would be comfortable with him after that either*.*  
grassrootsOptimism: He won’t make many friends with that kind of approach!  
grassrootsOptimism: Though it makes me wonder are there actually any regions who *don’t* have some sort of attachment to another?  
grassrootsOptimism: We’re all fairly well connected.  
tempestsUwu: Kalos, nya  
grassrootsOptimism: Only if you don’t count Yveltal being Darkrai’s boss.  
grassrootsOptimism: If it comes to player vs player though I don’t think either of them’ll be too bothered!  
unabatedStimulus [US] joined the memo.  
unabatedStimulus: its mornin my dudes  
upriverMarlin: Morning Koko  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Good morning Koko :)  
mechaMarvel: *Good morning Tapu Koko*.*  
grassrootsOptimism: Hi Koko!  
unabatedStimulus: so theres a game or somethin  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Were going to have this conversation each time someone wakes up arent we :/  
mechaMarvel: *In which case it would be prudent to wait for Tapu Lele, Tapu Bulu, Solgaleo and Marshadow to join us*.*  
mechaMarvel: *I do not think Lunala will have time to hear the explanation before she must retire*.*  
unabatedStimulus: cool  
unabatedStimulus: ill go wake them up  
unabatedStimulus [US] fled the memo.  
bevelledMetamorph: sun’s coming up!  
mechaMarvel: *So Solgaleo is likely already awake*.*  
mechaMarvel: *If only just*.*  
solarMaverick [SM] joined the memo.  
[BOT] poryBot [PB] gave solarMaverick [SM] the ‘moderator’ role.  
[MOD] solarMaverick: Alola!  
mechaMarvel: *G  
mechaMarvel: *MODE: IDLE*  
mechaMarvel [MM] fled the memo.  
tempestsUwu: Great goin Sol you broke it, nya  
grassrootsOptimism: Well, it’s a good thing I wrote all of that down…  
tempestsUwu: Her switch probably got tripped again, nya  
tempestsUwu: Fuck I’m gonna have to fix that later aren’t I, nya  
[MOD] solarMaverick: What’s with the nyaing, Zeraora?  
[MOD] solarMaverick: And  
[MOD] solarMaverick: Um  
[MOD] solarMaverick: Excuse me for prying, but…  
[MOD] solarMaverick: That wasn’t your username yesterday, was it?  
tempestsUwu: And we’re gonna have *this* conversation as well, nya  
tempestsUwu: Ugh, nya  
turboTrample: But it’s one we won’t get tired of!  
tempestsUwu:  
tempestsUwu: Silv, nya  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Yes?  
tempestsUwu: Just mute me for an hour or something, nya  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Um  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Are you sure  
tempestsUwu: Of course I’m fucking sure, nya  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Okay then  
makeshiftNovelty [MN] muted tempestsUwu [TU] for one (1) hour. (Reason: User request)  
[MOD] solarMaverick: …I get the feeling I’m missing something.  
[MOD] solarMaverick: But nevermind that!  
[MOD] solarMaverick: How is everyone this morning?  
[MOD] solarMaverick: Sleep well?  
upriverMarlin: No  
ullageUltimatum: YES  
[ADMIN] makeshiftNovelty: Not really :/  
[MOD] solarMaverick: I’m sorry to hear that.  
ullageUltimatum: LEGS BIRD  
turboTrample: Call me that again and you will be finding yourself used as a training weight.  
turboTrample: Yes?  
ullageUltimatum: YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHAT I WON  
turboTrample: …

You can’t help but smile to yourself. You’ve got great friends. Sure, they can be silly, Necrozma is a handful to deal with, and Zeraora has a hair-trigger temper and frightens you sometimes, but you’d never change them. You’re sure that whatever this game is, you’re going to do great in it.

Then you hear a commotion from Tapu Fini and Melmetal outside, and proving that he wasn’t paying attention at all, TAPU KOKO swoops in with a klaxon horn to wake you up.

Nope. Never change them at all.

> [Resume Sequence II: JOHTO] ===~~>  


> Enter name.  
Your name is SUICUNE. You are the THIRD BEAST OF JOHTO, the NORTH WIND, and sometimes it feels like THE ONLY SANE MEMBER OF YOUR TRIO. Between RAIKOU, who’s too lazy to emerge from your father’s basement, and ENTEI, who makes himself so busy that he never has time to talk to either of you, you’re kind of STUCK.

Things used to be different. You have fond memories of Raikou being the fun older brother who always got you into trouble, and Entei being the aloof older brother who waded in and got you out of it. But sadly those days are LONG GONE. You are forever doomed to be the youngest sibling who not only DOES HER JOB but DOES IT CONSISTENTLY (as opposed to Entei who just blazes through his tasks as fast as possible so he can move on to the next one). Your pleas for sanity have fallen on deaf ears.

When you’re not CLEANING UP AFTER YOUR BROTHERS though you enjoy a pasttime of your own creation that you’ve named SURFACE TENSION ART. Mostly this consists of RUNNING AROUND IN CIRCLES ON A LAKE fast enough that you create intricate patterns with the ripples your paws create. Though from water level you don’t get to appreciate the finished product that much, you recruit a local wild Pokémon to carry up a CAMERA and TAKE PICTURES. Some of those pictures are pinned with NeverMeltIcicles to your CAVE WALL. Staring at them is ODDLY RELAXING. Of course, the finished product usually only lasts a few seconds before another local wild Pokémon who’s not so amenable to your presence decides to go for a swim.

The other downside is that it sometimes makes you so DIZZY that you lose the ability to walk on water and FALL IN and end up smelling like WET QUOTE UNQUOTE DOG for hours. You suffer for your art.

Closer to home you maintain an unofficial role as JOHTO LORE HISTORIAN. While the title seems to be something that’s more up CELEBI’s alley, she hops in and out of time too frequently to stop and SMELL THE METAPHORICAL ROSELIAS. You’ve taken it upon yourself to KEEP A DETAILED ACCOUNT OF THE REGION’S HISTORY. It’s not perfect, there are gaps, and nothing back before you and your brothers were born, but you strive to keep it updated nonetheless. Admittedly this has more to do with your FATHER, HO-OH, who you suspect to be approaching the final days of his cycle, and as such is going A BIT SENILE. Your records help him keep track of things he should be remembering.

It’s not a nice job but somebody needs to do it.

At the moment you’re REVIEWING THOSE VERY RECORDS while impatiently waiting for your game download to finish. Entei turned up a little while ago and started his own download, but then left the memo again, probably to avoid talking to you. He does that a lot. You’re… SIGH… used to it by now.

Your Poképal handle is crystallineSlush, which is an accurate description of the CONSISTENCY OF YOUR MANE.

What will you do?

> Suicune: Status report.  
There’s… not an awful lot to report on, if you’re honest. It’s about 1:20AM, your download has about quarter of an hour to go, and the situation in the Johto memo is no different than it has been since Entei arrived. Lugia is still busy, your Father is still chasing your brother, and Tethera is still lurking, though she hasn’t said anything for a while. And who knows what Celebi’s doing. You don’t want to know is what. She’s a pest and if she’s keeping herself occupied then she’s keeping herself out of trouble.

You go over to your cave entrance and look out over the nearby forest. It’s very quiet tonight, exceptionally so. If you didn’t know better, you’d say the world was drawing a breath, holding it in anticipation. Okay, fair, it’s not every day of the week that Arceus activates Autopilot so you can all play a game that you know next to nothing about, but still. Everything is finely balanced. The world’s been like that for a long time, and it will continue to be so for a long time to come.

A still pond, waiting for a single pebble to skip across it.

The human rumor mill says that you and your brothers all live in the same place, in the tower. While that used to be true, you and Entei moved out into places of your own years ago. At top speed you’re probably about twenty minutes away from each other. Raikou claimed he was doing the same, but just moved all his stuff into the basement instead, and Ho-oh either just doesn’t care enough to do anything about it or keeps forgetting that he’s there. You did have a plan once to get him to move out, but it required Entei’s cooperation and he wouldn’t even give you the time of day.

You’ve heard about how the bird trios of Kanto and Galar fight with each other. That would be an IMPROVEMENT.

There’s the Poképal message alert. Too much to hope it’s Entei?

> Suicune: Answer.  
It’s not Entei.

nestedTempo [NT] began pestering crystallineSlush [CS] at 1:22AM.  
NT: Is there a reason why I’ve just seen Raikou going at mach 1 past the town followed by a screaming Ho-oh?  
CS: …  
CS: I…  
CS: You know, probably not.  
CS: I suppose I should just be grateful that they’re both getting some exercise.  
NT: Okay.  
NT: I just wasn’t sure whether it was part of the game or not.  
CS: Arceus, no.  
CS: This just happens occasionally.  
NT: Good.  
NT: Because with the way things are going right now, if the game just consists of chasing each other around the world, I’m done.  
CS: Really?  
CS: I would have thought you’d relish the opportunity.  
CS: There’s few that can outclass you and your sister where it comes to speed.  
NT: My sister is exactly the problem.  
CS: Oh dear.  
NT: A while ago we had an argument with Rayquaza about who should be our team leader.  
NT: In the interim I came to realize that actually I wouldn’t be good at it and that Rayquaza was right.  
NT: Latias however refuses to see reason and is continually operating under the assumption that she’s going to be the leader.  
CS: We didn’t even debate.  
CS: Raikou just took the reins and we all just went from there.  
NT: Raikou?  
NT: This same Raikou that’s nowhere near Johto right now?  
CS: The same.  
NT: I mean, I can think of better choices.  
NT: Like Lugia, or you.  
CS: I’m flattered, but I don’t have the presence required for it.  
CS: Neither of my brothers would pay any attention to me.  
CS: As for Lugia, he said something about an emergency and it’s looking increasingly likely he won’t be playing at all.  
NT: Huh.  
NT: It kind of feels like this whole thing was poorly timed.  
CS: How so?  
NT: Well, like you said, Lugia is dealing with an emergency.  
NT: Latias is in one of her I’m-the-hero-of-this-story moods.  
NT: There’s something going on in Unova but Meloetta doesn’t know what it is.  
NT: I don’t know.  
NT: It feels off somehow.  
NT: There’s a kind of charge in the air.  
CS: I think I know what you mean.  
NT: It’s been building for the last few days.  
NT: I don’t know if I’m noticing it more because of the tower, or what, but…  
CS: Well, it’s worth keeping an eye on.  
CS: If there’s something else going on we should be sure that we can pick up if Autopilot fails for whatever reason.  
NT: Yeah, that’s a good point.  
NT: Don’t want Altomare flooded with Sharpedo again.  
CS: That would be bad, yes.  
tenaciousNova [TN] barged into the conversation!  
TN: bad, yes. fun, absolutely.  
CS: What.  
NT: Latias, we’re having a private conversation.  
TN: i know, just wanted to comment.  
TN: best day of my life, that was.  
TN: pchooooo.  
  
tenaciousNova [TN] fled the conversation.  
NT: …I’m sorry about that.  
CS: How did she even do that?  
CS: I thought multi-user conversations could only happen in memos.  
NT: I don’t know.  
NT: Frankly the implications are disturbing and I don’t want to think about it.  
CS: I think she made your point for you, though.  
CS: At the very least, whatever the competitive aspect is, you won’t be lacking in spirit.  
NT: That’s not so much of a good side as it is an ‘oh god’ side.  
NT: I’d better start paying more attention to real life. Since she knows I’m talking to you I wouldn’t put it past my sister to try and prank me while I’m distracted.  
CS: I wish you the best of luck; it seems you’re going to need it.  
NT: Siblings, huh?  
CS: Siblings.  
nestedTempo [NT] stopped pestering crystallineSlush [CS] at 1:30AM.

It’s the same the world over. Siblings. A universal pain. You can think of only three Pokémon with relations who actually get along with each other - Reshiram and Zekrom, who are basically more like two halves of the same whole anyway, and Giratina, who only gets along well with his brother and sister by dint of being unable to comprehend why he wouldn’t. Everyone else, NOPE.

While you’re thinking about it, you idly reopen the log of an old memo. At one point Palkia decided to open an ‘Aggrieved Sister Council’ for each of you to air your grievances. It was a good idea in CONCEPT but the execution just showed that not even the various sisters got on well with each other either. It only lasted the one session.

(Zapdos) thunderbirbTwo [TT] joined the memo.  
Palkia: Okay, that’s everyone.  
Palkia: Thank you all for agreeing to this, and I’m sorry it was at such short notice.  
Palkia: But given the events of last night I thought it’d be better to start this sooner rather than later.  
TapuLele: What happened last night????  
Zapdos: can we not talk about what happened last night  
Zapdos: my legs still hurt  
TapuLele: ??????????????  
Latias: the birds were fighting and articuno exploded.  
Latias: the lightshow was fantastic, btw.  
Latias: latios lost the bet on who’d win and he looks amazing in pink.  
Palkia: Last night *aside*.  
Palkia: I thought as an introductory thing we could just go around and talk about what annoys each of us the most about our brothers.  
Palkia: My grievance is fairly well-known, but I’ll reiterate it here: Dialga’s a prick.  
Palkia: His subordinate runs roughshod all over history and he does nothing about it.  
Suicune: That sounds more like a grievance with Celebi than it is one with Dialga.  
Suicune: Not that I’d blame you for it. I think *everyone* has a grievance with Celebi.  
Latias: truth.  
Palkia: Be that as it may, Dialga is in charge of her, and he ignores all my complaints about it.  
Palkia: Next… we should probably involve Yan and Tethera, since they both relate to the same single Pokémon.  
Palkia: Anything to say?  
Palkia: Guys?  
Latias: sec.  
Latias: okay, hacked their webcams. neither of them are there.  
Zapdos: this is why i put tape over my camera  
Zapdos: anyway yeah they probably fucked off immediately  
TapuLele: Can we be concerned with what Latias just did?  
Latias: you cannot.  
Latias: :p  
Palkia: Latias, don’t do that again.  
Latias: claws on heart, i’m not gonna hack their webcams again.  
Palkia: Don’t hack *any* webcams again.  
Latias: you’re such a killjoy.  
Palkia: In fact, don’t hack any webcams period regardless of whether it would specifically be ‘again’.  
Zapdos: ouch  
Latias: why do you always have be so specific all the time.  
Palkia: Need I remind you that my other brother is Giratina?  
Palkia: Who can’t process metaphors or sarcasm?  
Palkia: In fact, let’s go for ultra-specific: get out of their systems right now.  
Latias: ugh fine.  
Palkia: Okay.  
Palkia: Let’s go to Lele and Fini instead.  
TapuLele: Um well.  
TapuLele: I should probably start by saying that Fini didn’t stick around either?  
Palkia: OH COME ON  
TapuLele: She shot me a quick message to say she obliged your request for her presence but had better things to do.  
TapuLele: Um, well, my problems with Koko and Bulu are mostly down to them, uh, being them?  
TapuLele: Especially Koko since, you know, he and Lugia.  
TapuLele: And the thing.  
TapuLele: But really I think it’s just his way of coping so I can’t be too mad at him?  
TapuLele: Bulu’s just lazy.  
Suicune: As is Raikou.  
Zapdos: hey so uh  
Zapdos: palkia i think you’re blowing this whole thing out of proportion  
Latias: to be fair that is basically her job.  
Latias: she *made* proportion.  
Palkia: True as that is, I think there’s something to gain from bonding over our shared sibling problems.  
Latias: oh is that what this is?  
Zapdos: dunno about you guys but i’m fine just bonding with zeraora  
Latias: wink wink, nudge nudge, etc.  
Latias: shame that kyogre doesn’t have any siblings then palkia could bond with her too.  
(Palkia) walkaboutDistributor [WD] banned (Latias) tenaciousNova [TN] from the memo.

It all went downhill from there.

Considering that the conversation took place about two weeks before Palkia and Kyogre broke up, maybe it was a good thing that the latter wasn’t part of it.

> Suicune: Check download.  
Five minutes, less. Only a few minutes to kill. Not enough time to go out and do something, too much time to just sit and stare at the progress bar. Doing that would practically guarantee it to hang at one minute remaining for the next few hours.

You scan through the Poképal user list, seeing if there’s anything interesting. It’s been related to you that Unova’s got some sort of power problem, so everybody is offline there with the exception of Meloetta and Victini. By now everybody in Alola’s woken up. Both Raikou and Ho-oh are still offline, still running/flying according to Latios. In Raikou’s absence you suppose you’ll just have to play the game as it comes. It’s going to be you and Entei up first regardless. Last time you checked everyone else from the region still had at least an hour to go.

You don’t particularly like the prospect of jumping into something like this completely blind, but it can’t be helped—

Entei is messaging you.

> Suicune: Answer Entei.

blazingGlory [BG] began pestering crystallineSlush [CS] at 1:37AM.  
BG: It’s finished

> Legendtrapped: Predictably perform a character switch psyche-out.  
You’re the boss!

> [Begin Sequence VI: KALOS] ===>  


> Enter name.  
Your name is XERNEAS. You are the LIFE OF KALOS, the BEARER OF IMMORTALITY, and on some occasions you are known as THAT TREE THAT WASN’T THERE YESTERDAY.

Also for the THIRD TIME TODAY you have a FLETCHLING STUCK IN YOUR ANTLERS, but we’ll get to that.

Though you are PURE FAIRY-TYPE, your true passion lies in HORTICULTURE. Were you at home (which you are currently NOT) we would see that it’s quite cluttered with BONSAI TREES, amongst which you have scattered several small MODELS OF POKÉMON. Essentially you are growing YOUR OWN FOREST, just on a VERY SMALL SCALE. You tried doing this with a full-size forest once. It worked well for about fifty years but then YVELTAL came to see how it was going on, SNEEZED, and killed the entire thing. And that was how everyone found out that the giant death bird IS ALLERGIC TO POLLEN.

Despite your region’s reputation, you actually get along with Yveltal quite well. She’s appropriately apologetic about anything of yours she accidentally kills, and you’re appropriately apologetic about anything of hers that you accidentally revive. You don’t really have problems with the other legendaries of Kalos either, aside from HOOPA being a GENERAL NUISANCE and every time that VOLCANION sneaks into your house and uses your forest as the terrain for his TRAIN SETS. ZYGARDE is ZYGARDE, he defies all explanation, and DIANCIE…

To be honest, you don’t get Rock-types at all. Or Steel-types, for that matter. Look, you deal in ORGANIC LIFE, not whatever weird biomineral they’re all made out of. Trying to understand them just gives you a headache and sometimes you just try to pretend they don’t exist. Somewhat understandably some others use this as an excuse to label you as A BIT OF A BIGOT. It’s not like you don’t WANT to understand them. You’d like nothing more! But for some reason people got upset when you tried to disassemble Magearna to see how she worked.

Kalos is a bit cut-off at the moment, because your POKEPAL NETWORK is currently DOWN FOR MAINTENANCE. It was acting up for a while and then got worse, so GIRATINA flew up from Sinnoh to fix it, and that meant TAKING THE WHOLE THING OFFLINE so he could diagnose the problem. You’re perfectly fine with this. It gives you an excuse to stay away from the computer for an extended period of time. It’s unhealthy to be glued to it for so long. You do have a HEADSET in your Sylladex which you could equip at any time and use to call up somebody else, it works on a different system, but you’re just out on a WALK. You don’t need to talk to anyone to enjoy yourself.

Though this does lead to the other problem, vis-a-vis POKÉMON STUCK IN YOUR ANTLERS. You wouldn’t think it’s terribly difficult for the little things to extricate themselves, but this FLETCHLING has been there for about ten minutes and shows no signs of being able to leave. BIRDS, BUGS, if it’s small, you’ve probably had one stuck there. You’ve just had to learn to deal with it.

Your Poképal handle is barkNecessarily, and you xpeak with a bit of a xtrong Kaloxian axxent.

It’s a wonderful late afternoon on this, the FIFTH OF AUGUST, 2020. The forest is alive with evening life, there’s a pleasant breeze blowing through the trees, and EVERYTHING IS FINE. You certainly don’t have any knowledge of any sort of game that may or may not be being finalized around about now.

What will you do?

> Xerneas: Make like a tree and leaf.  
That was terrible. It’s not nice having your disability made fun of.

Yes, occasionally when you USE UP ALL YOUR LIFE ENERGY, you TURN INTO A TREE TO RECOVER. You have no control over this, although thankfully with Arceus’ intervention sleeping for a millenia is a thing of the past. At most it takes you about NINE HOURS to fully recover, which is just about enough time to confuse any humans who COULD’VE SWORN THAT THIS TREE WASN’T HERE BEFORE, but not so much that SOMEBODY DECIDES TO CHOP YOU DOWN. Though that did happen. Once. You’re not entirely sure what you actually did, but when you woke up you immediately SMACKED INTO A TREE YOU COULD’VE SWORN WASN’T THERE BEFORE and gave yourself a concussion.

You’ve been reliably informed though that the human involved went on to found one of Kalos’ most famous TREE NURSERIES so you’ll count it as a win.

> Xerneas: Talk to Fletchling.  
He’s not much of a talker. You asked him how his family was, he said they’re fine. You asked him how life was treating him, he said he was fine. You asked him if he could get off, and he said he was stuck. You can’t reach up and help him out so you’re just leaving him there for the moment. When you eventually get tired of it you’ll find a tree to rub against and dislodge him. This is usually how it goes. That, or find Zygarde to help. He’s busy with Giratina though.

…oh hey, he managed to unstick himself and fly away. That’s great! Maybe it’ll be easier for others to—

Huh.

The air here feels a little thick. You’re right on the edge of the region, nowhere particularly special. There’s something… unnatural here. You must investigate.

It seems the closer you get to the region’s border, the thicker the air becomes, and the more difficult it becomes to go any further. You notice that the wild Pokémon are definitely avoiding this belt. You’re not sure what this is, but it can’t be good news. You back away, head along the border a bit, and try again. Same effect. Are you… are you trapped in the region? Not that you’d want to leave, but…

You carefully pick up a BROKEN BRANCH from the floor, making sure NOT to captchalogue it, and throw it towards the border.

It gets stuck in the air halfway.

This definitely isn’t good news. You should report this.

You decaptchalogue your HEADSET from your Sylladex using your GARDENS FETCH MODUS. It’s a pretty simple modus - items you collect are planted, and you have to wait for them to grow before using them again. You’re just about to start the call when you notice something else that doesn’t belong. In the tree above you there’s a splash of purple amongst the green. Given that all of the native wild Pokémon seem to have abandoned the area, this is unusual. You should be able to dislodge it if you… just…

You give the tree a SOLID KICK.

You have encountered A WILD SNORING MESPRIT.

> End of Act 1, Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's our little regional tour finished. Next up: The game actually begins.
> 
> You'll notice that the POV character avatars have gone full-color this chapter. I'm doing a little formatting retcon so that the POV characters get full color while anyone they're talking to only gets block color. There's also, shock horror, an animation! It's only a simple one but it does the job.


	4. A1P4: I Misclicked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter... the game begins, Suicune knocks something over, Entei moves about in a house, and an alien reads some instructions.

catsClone [CC] began pestering neverNadir [NN] at 01:32AM (06:32PM Aug 7 Kalos Time)  
catsClone [CC] was disconnected. [N/A system mismatch]  
catsClone [CC] began pestering neverNadir [NN] at 01:32AM (06:32PM Aug 7 Kalos Time)  
catsClone [CC] was disconnected. [N/A system mismatch]  
catsClone [CC] began pestering neverNadir [NN] at 01:33AM (06:33PM Aug 7 Kalos Time)  
CC: zygarde, i’ve been trying to reach you for hours.  
CC: this is the first time i’ve not been automatically disconnected.  
CC: what’s going on?  
CC: everybody in kalos has acknowledged receipt of the game files but nobody from your region is answering any of our messages.  
CC: azelf has reported that mesprit left for kalos a few hours ago and hasn’t been heard from since, and nor can we reach giratina.  
CC: zygarde.  
CC: you know more about this game than any of us.  
CC: that we cannot reach you as it begins is extremely concerning.  
CC: zygarde?  
NN: zZz Hi! You’ve reached the Zygarde 5% Auto-Responder! zZz  
NN: zZz My other 95% is extremely busy at the moment, so if you’d like to leave a message, I’ll get back to you as soon as possible. zZz  
NN: zZz Maybe. zZz

Act 1: The Worst Idea Of All Time  
Part 4: I Misclicked  
======================================>

> [Resume Sequence II: JOHTO] ===~~>

> Suicune: Be Entei.  
What? That doesn’t make any sense. You’re already Entei.

> Entei: Finish downloading already.

BG: It’s finished  
CS: Mine will be any moment now.  
CS: Since our brother has yet to make a reappearance, we might as well start without him.  
BG: It’s his own fault  
CS: For once I agree entirely.  
CS: Begin by starting the client application. I’ll start the server shortly.  
CS: As far as I’m aware, we’ll be the first to start, so we’ll have to wing it.  
BG: Why are we first  
BG: That makes no sense  
CS: I’ve been asking around.  
CS: There seems to be no rhyme or reason as to the length of the download. Yours took half an hour; I’m hearing that Cresselia started hers immediately on reception and she’s still got at least twenty hours to go.  
CS: Anyway.  
CS: There, mine’s done. I’ll report back on what I see.

> Entei: Start client program.  
You start the sbomie_client.exe file with little difficulty.

What the fuck is this?

The screen that pops up is a little… basic, just white text on black. Sbomie_Beta_0.0.1. Then a stupid ASCII logo. ‘Awaiting Server Connection’. Everything else is just technical gobbledegook. You really doubt that anybody understands what it means.

CS: I see a ‘client list’.  
CS: You’re the only one listed on it.  
BG: What do I do now  
CS: One moment…

It changes slightly. Now it says ‘Server player connected. Press [ENTER] to continue.’

> Entei: Press [ENTER].  
You press ENTER.

Here we would no doubt be treated to an interesting flash loading screen set to the first 71 seconds of the Homestuck Fan Musicians track [Jungle #3](https://unofficialmspafans.bandcamp.com/track/jungle-3), if the author was willing to actually put his animation degree to good use and spend a lot of time and effort for relatively little payoff. But he’s not, so we just have to take his word for it that it’s really cool and unique.

You have no idea what any of that meant. You just sit there staring at the loading screen in a sort of stupor for a minute or so.

Then… nothing happens.

BG: Nothing happened  
BG: What am I supposed to do now  
BG: Sister

> Suicune: What’s going on?  
You’re not quite sure. The loading screen finished, the Sbomie logo appeared, and now you appear to be looking at a very realistic representation of the interior of Entei’s cave. See, there he is, standing in front of the computer. A menu has popped up with various options, but the only one that seems to work at the moment is labelled ‘DEPLOY PREFAB’.

> Suicune: Deploy prefab.  
You select the tool and the camera zooms out, now showing the area outside your brother’s cave. An area around the cave mouth is highlighted in an odd pattern.

You click, and… whoa! There’s a house there now! It’s very, um, blocky, and it doesn’t appear to be furnished, but it’s definitely a house.

BG: What was that  
CS: Wait, you felt that?  
BG: Felt what  
BG: The ground shook  
BG: What are you doing  
CS: …Entei. Do me a favor and go to your cave mouth.

You can only blink in surprise as the Entei on your screen turns around and walks over to the cave mouth. He stares at the building for a moment, then returns to the computer.

BG: What is this  
CS: …I selected a tool named ‘deploy prefab’.  
CS: It appears to have built a prefabricated structure at your location.  
BG: How  
CS: I don’t know!  
CS: I thought that Mewtwo just programmed this to look like the inside of your cave!  
CS: But it looks like it’s actually a window to the real one somehow?  
BG: I’m uncomfortable with this  
CS: Relax, Entei.  
CS: I know what your cave looks like.  
CS: Knowing you, the worst thing you get up to in there you wouldn’t want me knowing about is smiling.  
BG:  
BG: Is that an insult or a compliment  
CS: Consider it both.  
CS: Now excuse me, I’m going to figure out what the rest of these options do.  
BG: What am I supposed to do then  
CS: I don’t know, explore your new house?

> Suicune: Examine options.  
You have a list of dropdown options. The ‘deploy prefab’ tool seems to have completely vanished. Instead you’ve got the tools SELECT, REVISE, DEPLOY, PHERNALIA REGISTRY, GRIST CACHE, EXPLORE ATHENEUM, and ALCHEMY EXCURSUS.

Some of those don’t sound like real words.

You might as well go through them in order. Pressing SELECT changes your mouse cursor into a big round blue 3D shape that’s sort of like the Sbomie logo. Judging from the way your brother is eyeing it as you move it around it also has presence in the real world. This is actually a little amusing! It’s funny to watch Entei reacting to you moving the cursor around like he’s the character in a video game you’re playing.

It appears this tool can be used to move objects around. You easily pick up a small rock that Entei left in the middle of his floor and move it out of the way. You know he would have ended up tripping over it at some point otherwise. Is there a limit to what you can move? With ease you select Entei’s computer, then the pile of brush he sleeps on which somehow is one solid unit, then some of the junk he’s shoved to one side. All of that seems very movable.

Then you try to select Entei, and he flashes red for a moment before attempting to attack the cursor with Fire Blast, which doesn’t affect the cursor at all but does blow a hole in his wall.

Next, REVISE. The cursor for this tool is almost the same, except the various squares of the Sbomie logo are arranged into some sort of wave rather than being flat. It’s very aesthetically pleasing. But what could it revise? It takes you a few clicks around before you accidentally click and drag over part of the house you put down earlier and the building… expands? So it revises house layouts? Is this the Sims or something?

DEPLOY make the cursor go vertical but doesn’t seem to do anything by itself.

The PHERNALIA REGISTRY has a further drop-down menu with four objects, listed as the CRUXTRUDER, TOTEM LATHE, ALCHEMITER, and a PRE-PUNCHED CARD. More made up words. You’ll come back to this in a minute.

GRIST CACHE is… um… hold on… crap. Currency management. Ugh. It looks like deploying the prefab structure didn’t drain any of this ‘BUILD GRIST’ but revising one of the walls did. You… guess it makes sense? It would be easy to drain your currency supply before establishing a way to gather more. Especially for somebody like, say, Raikou.

You don’t really know how it’s going to work for him bearing in mind he and your father live at opposite ends of the same building, but you’re sure Mewtwo’s thought about that.

Finally, the EXPLORE ATHENEUM and ALCHEMY EXCURSUS options both drop down blank lists. You guess these will do something later?

> Entei: Explore house.  
This is all very confusing and vaguely disconcerting.

This building is… what’s that word Heatran used to use… very POSTMODERN. You think that’s it. All straight lines and no curves anywhere. You can’t possibly imagine why it’s necessary, though. You’re not moving out of your cave.

What’s in here?

…this appears to be a BATHROOM. It appears to be fully equipped with a BATHTUB, a TOILET, a SINK, and a TOWEL RACK, which is very odd considering there’s no other furniture anywhere.

You turn on the bathtub tap.

You have plumbing now, apparently.

Suddenly the whole house shakes slightly. What’s your sister up to now? You leave the room and— huh. Was this here a minute ago? The room outside the bathroom is now occupied by a large ‘device’. You don’t know what the heck this thing does.

While you’re staring at it the ground shakes twice more. Perhaps you’d better return to your computer and ask Suicune what she’s doing.

CS: For when you get back to your computer, I’m dropping some more items into the house.  
CS: The one you’re looking at now is called the ‘Totem Lathe’.  
CS: There’s also the ‘Cruxtruder’ which I have placed on the ground floor, and the ‘Alchemiter’ which wouldn’t fit anywhere except for the roof.  
CS: I don’t know about you but that just seems like bad design to me.  
CS: Hm. Are you sure Mewtwo didn’t leave you a portable communication device anywhere?  
CS: Admittedly my own is gathering dust, but that’s easily rectified.  
BG: I never saw much use for it  
BG: It was just a distraction  
CS: I was about to disagree but then I remembered our elder brother exists.  
CS: Do you know where it is at least?  
BG: Yes  
BG: Hold on

> Entei: Retrieve portable communication device.  
It’s actually more of a HEADSET. You threw it away in a corner some time ago. Here it is.

You cycle it through your Sylladex using your standard shortform password of the letter A and onto your head.

CS: These references to ‘totems’ and ‘alchemy’…  
CS: I wonder what the Tapu will make of them.  
BG: Now what  
CS: I deployed an additional item to the three machines, a ‘pre-punched card’.  
CS: I left it on top of the Alchemiter on the roof.  
CS: I can’t see any further way to proceed from here, so it may be down to your interactions with these devices.  
BG: Joy  
CS: I’m taking notes as we go, so doubtless by the time we get finished with the introduction Celebi will have stolen them.  
CS: I don’t doubt that she’s editing them into a walkthrough right at this very second.

> Entei: Explore devices in a cautious manner.  
Caution is for time-wasters. You don’t waste time, dammit. You get on with things.

> Entei: So get on with it!  
Alright, alright already!

> Suicune: It can’t hurt to check, right?

crystallineSlush [CS] began pestering outtaTime [OT] at 1:54AM.

CS: Celebi, have you stolen the notes I’m currently writing?  
OT: yes.

> Entei: Examine Cruxtruder.  
This is the thing your sister put on the ground floor. It looks like a big tube surrounded by useless gadgets that are only there to look cool and don’t actually do anything. There are also four blank screens. There’s a little wheel on one side of the tube, which moves a little when you push it with a paw, but then it gets stuck on something. It seems there’s something inside the tube, and the wheel is probably how it’s supposed to be removed, but there’s a lid which is jammed on tight.

You’ve got an idea to deal with that but no doubt your sister will have some strong words to say if you break it so you’re just going to leave it alone for now.

Your next stop is the TOTEM LATHE, that gadget that Suicune dropped in the room next to the useless bathroom. Okay, yeah, you could see that, you guess. You’ve seen enough pictures of Zekrom’s woodworking tools, you know what a lathe looks like. You’re pretty sure it’s supposed to have blades of some description though.

In the front of the device is a slot. The size is familiar to you somehow, but you can’t place it at the moment.

There’s a bit of a CLUNK from the direction of the bathroom.

CS: Oh fuck.

You watch impassively out a window as the floating blue cursor drags the uprooted toilet through thin air and knocks down a tree.

BG: Why  
CS: Sorry, I misclicked.  
BG: What were you even trying to do  
CS: I was attempting to engage with the taps on the bath.  
BG: I already know they’re connected  
BG: Can you stop  
CS: What else do you expect me to do?  
CS: I’m waiting for you to figure out what happens next.  
CS: I apologize that testing what the controls can and can’t do in ways that don’t affect you is inconveniencing you somehow.  
BG: Ugh  
BG: How do I get to the roof  
CS: There’s a flight of stairs just outside that door on your left.

> Entei: Ascend.  
Why did she put this thing on the roof? Whatever it is, it’s certainly proving popular with some of the local Hoothoot, who all flee when you approach.

The last big gadget is a big platform, with an odd folded arm sticking out of one corner. As Suicune said, there is also an item on top of it. A PRE-PUNCHED CARD, you think she said? It’s definitely a captchalogue card, and it’s definitely full of holes. You’re not sure about PUNCHED though. It looks like it’s been CLIPPED.

You captchalogue it, and… huh. You can’t get the item out of it either. This card is a complete item which is now nested on its own captchalogue card. You take it back out again. It’s difficult to make out through the holes, but it looks like… some kind of building? Rendered entirely in brown.

> Entei: Take card to lathe.  
That’s what it was! That slot in the lathe is exactly the same size as a captchalogue card! Emboldened by your sudden epiphany, you return downstairs and insert the PRE-PUNCHED CARD into the slot on the TOTEM LATHE. The lathe deploys an array of CHISELS. So that’s where those went. But it’s not like you’ve got a bit of wood that’ll fit in it. That’s what you make totems out of, right?

It seems you’ve now exhausted all possible interactions. You don’t know what the thing on the roof is supposed to do, you haven’t got anything to put in this lathe device, and the thing downstairs is stuck and/or broken.

BG: Now what  
CS: You’ve run out of things to try?  
CS: Given that we’ve just been thrown into this without any sort of instructions, I would have thought it would be self-explanatory.  
CS: What was the problem with the Cruxtruder?  
BG: It’s jammed shut  
CS: Hmm.  
BG: I’m rapidly becoming bored  
CS: Well, how about we try and get it unjammed before we give up?  
BG: What’s all this we stuff  
BG: I’m doing all the hard work  
BG: You’re just clicking  
BG: And dragging  
BG: And breaking everything  
CS: Break time’s over. See if you can wedge the lid off.

With what?

Okay, you were considering using your teeth. You’re a little concerned though that when you get it unstuck it’s going to fly off and hit you in the face.

You return downstairs to the Cruxthinger and look at the lid. Yeah, that’s in there tight. This is going to take some work.

Thi— no, that won’t fit. What about— no, definitely not. You could try— that idea’s insane and you’re ashamed for even thinking about it.

Frustrated, you swipe at the lid with a move you made up yourself, FLAME SCRATCH.

It just comes right off, something brown and cylindrical shoots out of the tube and punches a hole in the ceiling, and a glowy ball of… stuff suddenly appears.

It hurts your eyes to look at. Augh.

> Entei: Look down.  
You look down and… huh. The blank screens are showing numbers now.

[00:08:08]  
[00:08:07]  
[00:08:06]  
[00:08:05]

It appears to be a countdown.

This isn’t unnerving at all.

> [Resume Sequence III: HOENN] ====-@@>  


> Enter name.  
Your name is DEOXYS. You are, plain and simply, AN ALIEN. You have been MAROONED ON THIS PLANET for AN INCREDIBLY LONG TIME, ever since the ASTEROID that was your PRIMARY MODE OF TRANSPORT had to engage an unexpected EMERGENCY LANDING. Arceus was very upset about it. In your defense, in your entirely ambiguous culture nobody minds being pancaked into the ground by a rock travelling at thousands of miles an hour, and you didn’t really have much of a choice as to landing zones.

It’s hard to tell sometimes what He was more upset about, being LANDED ON, the PROPERTY DAMAGE you did to his planet with the impact crater, or the subsequent EXTINCTION of some early Pokémon species. At the very least you have made up for the last one by SUBTLY ASSISTING THE HUMANS in RESURRECTING THEM. Or, you know, you come up with the ideas, and then Rayquaza anonymously drops them into human scientific journals, because you can’t spell for shit.

HUMANS absolutely fascinate you. They have so many ways to take the simplest of things and make them INCREDIBLY COMPLICATED! Take communication for example. The way you do it is incredibly easy - you just instantly transmit what you mean and whoever you’re conversing with gets it instantly. Humans though - and quite a lot of Pokémon, to be honest - feel they need to make complicated movements with their mouths, tongues, throats and lungs to produce an effect technically known as SPEAKING. You really don’t know why humans are basically the only living things on the planet which aren’t classified as Pokémon. Everything else is, so why not?

You’re also particularly intrigued by how humans view SPACE. Again they overcomplicate it, and rather than just going up there to find out what it’s like they just FANTASIZE ABOUT IT a lot and make a surprising amount of TV SHOWS about it. Like STAR TREK. STAR TREK is very complicated indeed. You don’t get why none of the characters in that show travel around in asteroids like sensible people. You have found much interest in the one called RED DWARF. There’s something very amusing about a group of people trapped on a ship with each other slowly driving each other mad. You don’t quite understand how a Litten plus three million years of evolution ended up with something resembling a human more than an INCINEROAR, but you suppose they wouldn’t have been able to ‘talk’ to them then.

Recently you’re not supposed to have been watching it, because apparently people don’t like it when you call them SMEGHEADS.

Right now you’re about to do something peculiar. A few days ago you received a communication from ZYGARDE, with a message that you were not to open until exactly two minutes ago. He told you that you were to follow the instructions exactly. So… okay? You can follow instructions.

Your Poképal handle is nebulaDiscursor, and u dnt rly get y speling is mportnt.

What will you do?

> Deoxys: Execute instructions.  
Let’s see here…

nebulaDiscursor [ND] began pestering groundShaker [GS] at 2:01AM.

ND: stp 1: tell grdon kyrge wnts 2 fite.  
ND: hey groudon ky wnts 2 fite u.  
GS: WHAT. ELSE. IS. FUCKING. NEW.  
GS: SHE. CAN. GO. AND. FUCK. HERSELF. I’M. BUSY.  
ND: sys here to tell u tht she sank ur fav island again.  
GS: SAYS. WHERE?  
ND: + shes seen kids mke pctures of u with  
ND: uh  
ND: dnt know wht this word is  
ND: pee  
GS:  
GS:  
GS:  
GS: ╬  
GS: THAT. DOES. IT.

groundShaker [GS] stopped pestering nebulaDiscursor [ND] at 2:03AM.

nebulaDiscursor [ND] began pestering tsunamiBeluga [TB] at 2:04AM.

ND: stp 2: tell kyogr grudns cumin 2 fite her.  
TB: ~~~What  
ND: hey kyogre groudons coming 2 fite u.  
TB: ~~~Is this your idea of a joke Deoxys  
TB: ~~~He’s too cowardly to come over here and fight me  
ND: he said tht if he cnt find u hell put a vlcano in ur ass.  
ND: again.  
ND: dnt know y it says tht cuz he didnt but im suppsed to tel u that.  
TB: ~~~If he can’t find me how’s he going to do it  
TB: ~~~Who’s telling you to tell me that  
ND: oh rite  
ND: it also says hes seen more nergtic slkoth.  
ND: slakoth.  
ND: bscially i think he thinks ur a smeghed.  
TB:  
TB:  
TB: ~~~I suppose I’ll humor him  
TB: ~~~This can only go one way, of course

tsunamiBeluga [TB] stopped pestering nebulaDiscursor [ND] at 2:07AM.

nebulaDiscursor [ND] began pestering skylineCrash [SC] at 2:07AM.

ND: hey ray  
SC: Are you finally done discussing things with your control team?  
ND: um yea  
ND: but  
ND: im supposed to say tht ky + grou r about 2 fite.  
SC: I really hope you’re joking with me, Deoxys.  
SC: I’m already dealing with Latias and Latios fighting, I do NOT need those two to start up now.  
SC: Wait.  
SC: ‘Supposed’ to say?  
ND: its step 3  
SC: Step 3 to *what*?  
SC: No, hold on.  
SC: Oh, you are *shitting* me.  
ND: wat  
SC:  
SC: I’ll talk about this with you later, Deoxys.  
SC: I’ve got to Dragon Ascent into Groudon’s spine again.

skylineCrash [SC] stopped pestering nebulaDiscursor [ND] at 2:09AM.

You’re not entirely sure what all that was meant to accomplish, but it worked!

There is a fourth step, which is kind of strange. It has two parts. Step 4(1), wait ten minutes, which you can do, you guess. Step 4(2) says Don’t Panic, which… you guess you can also do? Is something panic-worthy about to happen?

> Deoxys: Examine room.  
You’re really very proud of your living space. You sort of carved it out of various meteor offshoots that Rayquaza keeps dropping for you. Okay he doesn’t drop them specifically for you, this is just where he chucks them to be rid of them, but you’re convinced that someday you’ll find some spaceship parts and be able to assemble a way off this planet.

You assembled your TV out of an old robot. You’re sure the humans didn’t mind, they had plenty of them, and they did all go a bit mad. You had to get Giratina to set you up with this fantastic human invention called NETFLIX so you could get your shows, though. Again they made something that should have been simple very complicated. You have some POSTERS, though you’ve mainly just picked them for their designs rather than what they say. You’ve been informed that the one with the happy Zigzagoon on it is an advert for some Pokémon food, for example.

Eating is another thing you don’t get and think is too complicated. What is even the point of a digestive system when you can just separate out the nutritious elements immediately during consumption? Why doesn’t everybody do that? This is such a backwards planet, honestly. As far as you’re concerned there’s only one thing this planet has done right, and that’s RED DWARF.

And COTTON CANDY.

Okay, two things.

> [Resume Sequence II: JOHTO] ===~~>

CS: What is that thing?  
BG: You’re asking me like I’m supposed to know  
BG: There is a countdown  
CS: So there is.  
CS: I wonder what it’s counting down to.  
CS: Maybe there’s a cooldown between interactions with the Cruxtruder, and you have to wait for it to finish before you can get another one of those cylinders?  
CS: Speaking of, you’ll probably have to collect it from upstairs. It looks fairly stuck in the ceiling.  
BG: Can’t you pull it out  
CS: Believe it or not I’ve got a bad camera angle.  
CS: Given my earlier incident with the lavatory, I’m liable to rip the floor out completely.  
CS: I’m guessing you take that thing to the lathe.  
CS: You go do that, and I’ll keep an eye on the countdown and this… ball thing.  
CS: With any luck using what we have will make what we need to do with it obvious.

> Entei: Go upstairs again.  
Have you mentioned how much you’re starting to dislike stairs? You usually traverse great heights by jumping, which is something you do very well. Having to use stairs just feels humiliating somehow.

The ball thing is following you. So much for your sister keeping an eye on it.

When you get to the floor with the lathe on it, something out the window catches your attention. There’s something in the night sky. Is that… huh, a shooting star. You won’t do such a childish thing as making a wish, because no matter where you are in the world wishing on a star triggers Jirachi immensely and he’ll interpret it in the most literal way possible and you’ll end up drowning in noodles again. Instead you’ll just watch for a minute. It’s fairly bright, which means Rayquaza will be destroying it any moment now.

Any moment now.

Any… moment… now.

You blink.

It doesn’t look like any other shooting star you’ve seen. You could swear that it’s heading straight for you.

No, that’s impossible. The chances of something like that hitting you directly are so small that— oh, shit.

[06:34]  
[06:33]  
[06:32]  
[06:31]

…This is a troubling development.

> End of Act 1, Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I was smarter and had paid more attention, I could have finished this and uploaded it at exactly the point when the game was supposed to start, which was nearly 24 hours ago. But I didn't think of that until too late.
> 
> It's a fumbly chapter, but Entei and Suicune have got to stumble through this blindly. In Homestuck John and Rose got away with reading walkthroughs that other players had started, but here those don't exist (or at least they won't until Celebi finishes). It's a lot harder to do this with words than with big pictures.
> 
> Deoxys was surprisingly fun to write. A lot of the things we do probably will look weird and inefficient to an alien. Also yes, Groudon's shiny. Somebody had to be, and Groudon landed smack bang in the middle of the venn diagram - he'd be smug about it to Kyogre and he'd be annoyed about it because YELLOW.


End file.
